Sadness washed over Benji’s face as he threw a piece of sushi in his mouth, chewing while Jordie waited for him to go on. When he didn’t and just kept eating, Jordie asked, “And? What happened?”
Benji looked up at him and shrugged. “She died.”
“I’m sorry, dude.”
“Yeah, blows. We got pregnant when we were seventeen. Leary was my everything and so cute. She looked just like Ava. And though we were young and scared out of our minds, we got married and I promised to make our life good. I worked hard, got drafted, and things were great.”
He paused, leaning his elbow on his leg as he bit his lip, clicking the chopsticks he held in his hand over and over again. “We went home to Chicago for a family reunion and I got shit-faced, doing shots with my uncle and my dad. Since I was so shitty, my brother Silas offered to drive us back to the hotel. Leary needed sleep, and it was so loud because everyone was still partying.”
Jordie’s stomach dropped from the look of pure pain on Benji’s face as he went on. “I don’t remember any of it. I was passed out in the back, leaned up against the door, my hand in Leary’s. But when I woke up, I wasn’t holding her hand because she was gone, along with Ava and Silas. Apparently a semi T-boned them, killing Silas and Leary instantly, while a piece of glass slit Ava’s neck and she bled out before they could get her cut out of the car. Meanwhile, I was so drunk that I didn’t even know anything had happened.”
Jordie was stunned to silence. He had suffered some shitty stuff but nothing like what Benji had been through. Losing his baby, his wife, and his brother? Jesus.
“It was bad, obviously. I was depressed, let go from the Rangers because I wasn’t playing and performing. No one wanted me because I had become a drunk, and my family and hers turned on me. Blaming me for all of it. It was bad, dude, so damn bad.”
“Why did they turn on you?” he asked incredulously.
“Because I should have been dead,” Benji asked. “Why did I get to stay alive when I was a worthless drunk and they didn’t?”
“Dude, that’s wrong,” Jordie gasped and Benji nodded.
“Yeah, and for a long time, I just floated through life. Then one day, I woke up in the alley of the bar I had gone to, and along the wall was a mirror. When I saw my reflection, it was as if Ava was looking back at me, disgusted,” he muttered, and Jordie could sense he was about to start crying. Who could blame him? It might have been eleven years ago, but the pain was obviously still raw. “I went straight to the closest church and I prayed. I prayed for forgiveness, for strength, and I apologized not only to God, but to Ava, Leary, and Silas. Then I went to rehab and checked myself in. Never looked back either. Not one relapse in eleven years, and while some days I wouldn’t mind having a drink, others I’m glad that I gave it up.”
“How though? Did you have support?”
Benji shook his head. “Just my sponsor, Richie. I still, to this day, don’t talk to my family.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I live by the motto, if you don’t add to my life, you’re out of my life. And because of that, anyone who didn’t contribute to making me better, I left behind. I work every day to make a better me. I’m nowhere near perfect, believe me, but I want to be the man I was before the accident. I want to move on, I want to try again. Even though it really does give me anxiety,” he said with a laugh, but there was no humor in the sound. “I have my faith, and that’s helped me a lot too.”
Jordie nodded. “I’ve depended a lot on mine, even though I just found it.”
“Which is okay. For a long time, I was mad at God for taking them from me, but then I thank God for helping me get up and find help.”
“For sure, bro,” Jordie agreed, nodding his head. “Not sure it will mean anything, but I’m proud of you.”
Benji grinned. “Thanks, you too, bro. You’re doing great.”
Jordie grimaced a little as he shrugged. “I thought I was, but lately things have been tough.”