Cupping his face, she let her gaze bore into his. There wasn’t any lust in her eyes, only determination. “Are you okay?”
“No,” he admitted. “She fucks with my head.”
“I know and I’m sorry. Don’t call her, okay? Please?”
“I won’t.”
“Okay, and don’t let it bother you. You have my mom and dad and Karson.”
“And you,” he said, his hands sliding up her back, underneath her shirt, to bring her down to him. “And that’s all I need.”
“I know it hurts though. I know how much you want her love.”
He shrugged. “Can’t miss what you never had though.”
Her eyes turned sad as she dropped her forehead to hers. “I’m gonna make up for the love she doesn’t give you.”
“You already do, Kacey,” he whispered as her nose moved along his. “You love enough for the world.”
She gave him a faint smile before shaking her head. “I’m sorry she sucks.”
“Not everyone has perfect parents like you, Kacey. It’s not your fault, don’t worry about it,” he said, but as soon as he said it, he regretted it. It was something he would have said before, when he’d brush off the hurt his mother caused and pick up the bottle. Kacey knew that though; she knew him and his antics, and soon her eyes narrowed as she held his gaze.
“Don’t push me away.”
“I’m not trying to,” he said sternly. “I just don’t want to talk about someone who doesn’t even love me.”
“Talking about it might make the pain stop,” she suggested and he shook his head.
“It won’t. It just reminds me of the craptastic family life I have,” he said and her mouth turned down. “The fact that my mother doesn’t love me, I have no clue who my dad is, and hey, I have nine stepdads, but still no siblings to be just as fucked up as me.”
As she threaded her fingers into his hair, he closed his eyes, hating that he’d unloaded like that. She didn’t need to hear all that; it showed his weakness. He hated how much pain his mother brought to him with only one text. All his progress felt like nothing. She could honestly drive him to drinking all over again, but as soon as the thought came, Kacey pressed her lips to his. Just as quickly as he’d wanted a drink, he wanted her more. Rolling her over so that he was on top, he pulled away, looking down into her beautiful face.
Her eyes were on him, her chest rising and falling as her eyes searched his. “You’re not trying to have sex with me to replace your cravings are you?”
He could lie. It would be so easy, but he knew he couldn’t. “Yes.”
“Okay,” she said with a nod. “At least you know what you’re doing.”
“But it isn’t okay, is it?” he asked and she shrugged.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “That’s something you need to ask your therapist. But for now, use me, Jordie, though also know I’m here to talk. That I’ll listen till you can’t talk anymore. I’ll always be here. For whatever you need.”
“I have nothing to say about her,” he said, his eyes closing as he pressed his nose to hers. “I’m just so mad at her, but I can’t hate her.”
“I know,” she whispered.
“She constantly hurts me.”
“I know,” she said once more. “Want me to kick her ass?”
He smiled against her lips and shook his head. “Wouldn’t be worth it. She wouldn’t understand why. In her mind, she does right by me.”
“But she doesn’t. I know that, and so do you.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “But why does her rejection still hurt?”
“It hurts because it matters. Unfortunately, she doesn’t realize what she is doing to you, and until you tell her, it won’t ever get better.”
“Is she worth it, though?” he asked and she shrugged.
“That’s up to you to decide. Either way, I support you, love you, and will stand beside you,” she whispered against his lips. “And when you’re ready, I’ll Spartan kick her in the face.”
Grinning, he shook his head. “That’s intense.”
“For you, I’d do an intense Spartan kick,” she promised. “Just to see that smile, I’d do anything.”
Closing his eyes, he gathered her in his arms and kissed her lips softly. “I love you, Kacey.”
“I love you too, Jordie,” she whispered, her fingers grazing over his neck. “Do you feel better?”
He nodded. “I do.”
More so than she could even fathom. Months of rehab and therapy and still the pain of his mother burned from one text. But all he needed was