He turned to look at her then. “I told you before, don’t go trying to get inside my head. You won’t like what you find.”
“What’s behind those guarded walls you put up, Cole?” she whispered.
He shook his head, and thought, ‘you don’t want to know, baby’. Whatever she might say about his silence, it would be better than if he actually opened up to her.
“Is it what happened with Chuck? What you did for me?”
“Stop! Stop all the questions, Angel. I mean it,” he said sharply.
“Why? Why can’t I ask questions?”
“Because you won’t like the answers!” he snapped. He saw the way she looked at him, believing there was good in him. She’d change her mind quick enough if she knew the truth. If she knew all the things he’d seen, all the things he’d done. She’d run then. She’d run like hell. He was torn between wanting to drive her away, and wanting to hang onto her like a drowning man.
“I just want to help you.”
He shook his head. “I know what you’re trying to do. You think you’re gonna fix it all. Fix me. Well, I’m not looking for someone to save me.”
“I thought we were getting closer.” She pulled away, looking back at the bed, thinking of all the tenderness and emotion he’d shared with her. Why now, couldn’t he share with her what haunted him.
He followed her gaze. He shook his head. “It’s called sex, baby. And it’s a real nice therapy, but don’t go makin’ it into something it’s not.”
Her mouth parted.
He wasn’t sure what was making him lash out at her. Some twisted self defense mechanism he’d created? He couldn’t help thinking he was slitting his own throat. That he’d gone too far.
“You mean love? Don’t confuse it with love? Is that what you mean?” Her voice raised.
He watched the pain steal across her face. The desire to protect her stole through him. He fought it down. “I’m just givin’ it to you straight. Like I told you I would.” Liar! The word rang through his brain.
“So, this meant nothing?” She looked into his eyes. They looked filled with torment. He reached for her. She pushed past him.
The screen door banged as she walked out, and down the steps. She stopped a few feet from the steps, feeling the soft rain failing on her. She turned her face up to it, letting its cool wetness wash over her face and hair. He could deny his feelings, but she knew he felt more than he would admit. It was there in his eyes, in his touch. Maybe she needed to take a page out of his book, and guard her own heart, because the hell of it was, she was letting herself start to feel things for him. If she was going to be honest with herself, she had to admit she was falling in love with him. A man that didn’t want her love, didn’t want her to get too close.
Cole watched her, standing there, as the rain slowly soaked her hair and the sheet she was wrapped in. He ached for her, knowing he had hurt her. Knowing he would hurt her even more before this thing between them was through.
She heard the screen door creak as he followed her out. He came up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her in his warm male scent.
He whispered, “I can be a real bastard, sometimes. I’m sorry. Please believe me, Angel. I don’t mean to hurt you.”
She slid her hands over his forearms that were locked around her waist. His body was soon as slick with rain, as hers was.
He bent his head, and kissed her cheek. “Are you alright?”
She nodded.
“Come back to bed, baby doll,” he whispered, his voice deep and husky in her ear. “Please. No matter how hard I try to push you away, the truth of it is, I need you tonight. Please. Don’t tell me no.”
She let him lead her back inside. He left the door open. A cool breeze blew in. She turned to look at him, her eyes running over his bare chest, the rain beading on it, droplets running down his abs.
He reached up, and pulled the wet sheet from her, dropping it to the floor, and pulled her into his arms. He looked down into her eyes. Maybe he couldn’t bring himself to say the things she wanted to hear, but he could show