An Outcast and an Ally (A Soldier and a Liar #2) - Caitlin Lochner Page 0,81
I. Is that it?”
She acts tough—a girl after my own heart—but I hear the hitch in her voice. She’s trying not to cry.
“I just wanted to make sure you’d be okay,” I say. “I’m sorry if I assumed something you don’t like. You can go—be sure to get plenty of rest.”
She nods tightly and goes back to her group. She barely stops to grab her stuff before leaving her friends and heading out.
I sigh. Did I really say something that bad? She seemed pretty upset. Was it just because I brought up Arman? Or is she that against the idea of revenge? Well, either way, I’m glad it doesn’t sound like she’s going into the fight to find her brother’s killer.
What about you? a voice says in the back of my head. If you’re so relieved she’s not looking for revenge, how come you’re still going after it?
Irina’s situation is different. This is war—of course people are going to kill and be killed. Mother and Father didn’t do anything wrong when my brother suddenly murdered them. And then he ran away like a coward. I’m going to deliver the justice they deserve. That’s all.
But the doubt won’t stop nagging me. Why did my brother kill our parents? We were a happy family. I always thought he loved them as much as I did. Our parents tried to do whatever they could to make us happy even though we didn’t have money—they picked up odd jobs to buy us books, toys, sweets. They didn’t even care that I was a Nyte. They never treated me any differently. If they knew my brother was a Nyte, they never showed it.
Something sticks in my throat, and I start straightening up the practice weapons rack so I can keep my hands busy. How could I not have known my own brother was a Nyte? What’s his gift? When did he know he was a Nyte? Was it before he killed our parents or after? Was he hiding it from us? Does him being gifted have something to do with why he killed Mother and Father?
A headache pounds at the back of my head. Along with Irina’s words. Revenge wouldn’t change anything.
It’s not like I ever expected our parents to come back. I’m not stupid. But for so long, revenge was all I had. And once I joined the military, there was no backing out. There was nothing else I even wanted to try doing.
But it’s not like that anymore. I left the military. I’m free. I’m fighting for something I actually believe in, with friends I love and students I’m proud of. I have so much now. I don’t need revenge to keep living anymore.
What about my brother—the choices he’s made? I used to just be filled with anger and hate when I thought of him. Now, the hate is still there, but duller. Less urgent than the questions of why.
He’s still a murderer. He’s still a rebel. But for the first time, more than wanting to kill him, I want to talk to him. I want to know what he was thinking, how my kind, thoughtful older brother turned into a monster. I’ll probably still have to kill him—he’s a rebel, so we’re enemies no matter what. But there are things I want to ask him before that.
“Al? You got a minute?”
I stop messing with the practice weapons and turn around to see Lai and Jay waiting. Lai’s arms are crossed, and her heel taps against the floor like standing still for five seconds is going to kill her.
“Sure,” I say. “What is it?”
“Not here.” Lai jerks her chin toward the training room’s entrance.
I look to Jay, but he shrugs like he doesn’t know what’s going on, either. I shrug back and we follow her out into the halls until we get to an empty room.
Lai doesn’t talk until the door’s closed. “With all the prep for tomorrow’s battle, there’s something I think you both should know,” she says. “Just in case the worst happens.” She talks briskly, like she’s giving orders to troops. But she won’t really meet our eyes, and her shoulders slump with exhaustion. She’s making me worried.
“Hey, don’t talk like that,” I say. “Everything’s going to be fine.” I know I shouldn’t say stuff like that right before a huge battle—but it’s Lai. If anyone’s going to come out alive and kicking at the end of all this, it’s going to be her.