Out of Bounds (The Summer Games #2) - R.S. Grey Page 0,109
it worse because then the decision was all on me.
“I’m not trying to convince you of anything, Erik,” she continued. “You asked me if he regrets the last ten years and the answer is yes. He lives with the guilt of what he put you through every single day. We all carry it with us.”
I could hear the fatigue in her voice. Years of playing mediator, years of lost family gatherings, missed milestones, and deferred emotion had worn her down, but I wouldn’t pretend to love my father just to smooth everything over for her.
He didn’t deserve it, and for that reason, we would all suffer.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Brie
The realization that I loved Erik wrapped around my thoughts with a vice-like grip and never let up. Once the idea had settled in, I knew I could never pretend otherwise. I couldn’t continue to act like what we were doing wasn’t affecting me. He’d opened up to me, bared his soul for me, and now I couldn’t go up against him toe to toe without him seeing the truth in my eyes.
He and I weren’t supposed to fall in love. We’d been at war, fighting and pushing each other because it was a fun distraction, because I liked to get a reaction out of him, and because I just couldn’t help myself. It was the most shocking kind of love I’d ever experienced, the sort that hid itself behind the other edge of the blade—hate. I’d focused so much of my energy on hating Erik that when love appeared out of nowhere, it stole my breath.
I loved Erik.
I loved him and it was possibly the most impractical realization to have the night before competing in the Olympics.
Suddenly, the very idea of being near him, of having to stand in his presence seemed too intimate. Surely everyone around us could tell how far I’d fallen. Surely it would be evident to anyone who was around us that I was in way over my head.
“You awake yet, Watson?”
Molly’s head poked past the door of my bedroom and I smiled.
She was still wearing her pajamas, but I’d already been awake for an hour. I was sitting on my bed in my team leotard, putting the finishing touches on my makeup. I’d pulled my hair up into a bun and pinned it down. I just had to slip into my warm-ups and I’d be ready to head down to breakfast.
“Jeez. When did you wake up?”
I shrugged. “I couldn’t really sleep.”
Fortunately, she didn’t force me to elaborate, but I knew I wouldn’t be so lucky with the rest of the team. As the five of us headed down to the food court for breakfast in our matching warm-ups and competition makeup, I slid into a spot in the far corner of the elevator, trying to stay under everyone’s radar.
It’s like I assumed they’d glance over to me and see I LOVE COACH WINTER scrawled across my forehead. I reached up to touch the skin just over my brow before realizing how insane I was being. No one knows. And I wanted to keep it that way.
Once we strolled into the cafeteria and put our stuff down on the table, I followed Rosie over to the food line.
“Oh my god, there he is,” Rosie said, gripping my hand.
“Who?” I said, trying to follow her line of sight.
“Hudson Green. He’s on the U.S. men’s soccer team.”
I saw a group of guys at a table a few yards away from us. One of them had his eyes locked on Rosie and when she noticed, she smiled and waved gently before turning away with cherry-stained cheeks.
“Rosie, he’s still watching you.”
She groaned. “Please don’t do anything embarrassing. Let’s just go get food.”
“Do you know him?”
She shrugged. “We met in the trainer’s office two days ago. He’s a year older than me and obviously way out of my league.”
I turned over my shoulder to glance back at the group and Hudson was still watching Rosie. When he saw me catch him, he turned quickly, trying to focus on his food.
“Rosie! He’s definitely interested,” I assured her as we stepped up in line.
“Don’t say that! I really don’t want to get my hopes up with him.”
I promised her I’d drop it and once we had our food, we settled into a corner of the food court not yet overtaken by rowdy groups of athletes. I attacked my egg white omelet with a vengeance, knowing I’d need every bit of strength for the competition later.