able to forgive himself for that. If she’d died because of it…he shuddered. Well, he couldn’t even consider that possibility.
* * *
Reality was a bit like a dream for Julie. She’d awakened several times, but it was a drowsy half-wake which made it difficult for her to track time. All she knew was that Chris was there each time, looking incredibly haggard.
Over and over she thought about the time with Aaron and Nalia. It had been such an incredible gift. She didn’t even mind that she still felt like crap. Without the pneumonia, she never would have known. Aaron was taking care of her baby. The peace of that knowledge was powerful.
He’d also given her the permission she needed to move on and get over her guilt. She fully planned to do so. She owed him so much, she’d definitely do what he told her, but first she had to get well. She’d been in and out of sleep, but every time she awoke Chris looked worse. He wouldn’t be doing either one of them any favors if he ended up in the hospital room next to hers. She needed to convince him to go home.
Finally, on one of those occasions when she awoke, her sister was in the room with them. She knew with Rachel’s help, she could get him to leave.
“Chris,” she tried to ignore the subtle flare of happiness in his eyes when she focused on him. “Go home. Rachel’s here. You look exhausted. Thank you for staying with me, but I’m going to be okay. Go home and get some rest, before you end up in the hospital bed next to mine.” She couldn’t help but notice the flash of hurt in his eyes.
He scrutinized her for a moment and she held his gaze, trying not to show the effect he had on her.
Finally he seemed to give in. “Okay, if you’re sure.” He peered over at Rachel. “You have my cell number. I expect you to call me if there’s any change at all.” He leaned over and kissed the top of Julie’s head. “I’ll be back soon.”
She shook her head and tried to tell him that she would be fine and don’t come back, but he was already out of the room.
The accusation in her sister’s gaze after Chris left was inescapable. “What’s going on inside that head of yours? He hasn’t moved more than three feet from your side for days while you were unconscious. Why are you chasing him away now?”
So that was why he looked so exhausted. Chris had stayed by her side the whole time she’d been in the hospital.
She looked away from Rachel’s probing eyes, as her own filled with tears. “Something happened while I was unconscious.” She swallowed against the emotions which continued to swamp her. Oh God, she’d actually got to meet and play with Nalia. Amazement and love flooded her, for her lost little girl and the man she’d once loved who now took care of Nalia like she was his very life. She’d been given so many gifts, but this one demolished her emotional stability.
“What?” Rachel prompted.
“Aaron was there.”
Rachel’s eyes widened a bit, but otherwise she was in full-on calm therapist mode. “Okay, seriously?” At Julie’s watery nod, Rachel continued, watching her warily as she asked. “Where were you at? Was it Heaven? Did he tell you why he was there? What did he say?”
“He was trying to reassure me that everything worked out the way that it was supposed to. That this was all some huge thing with fate and that I couldn’t have changed the outcome about any of it.”
Rachel frowned and then spoke slowly like she was trying to work it through. “Okay, well that all sounds positive, but doesn’t explain why you don’t want Chris here when he’s been nothing but wonderful to you.”
“I need to concentrate on getting well. He’s running himself into the ground sitting vigil. That’s not going to help either one of us.”
“Which does bring up a question.” Rachel watched her suspiciously. “Just why has he been so vigilant? It seems a bit much for just friends.”
A zing of anticipation, almost bordering on fear, zipped down her spine. He’d been scared when she was so sick. While that left her feeling guilty because he wasn’t taking care of himself, it also gave her hope that maybe he might return her feelings.
Regardless, that was between Chris and her, not her nosy sister.