awoken him at 4:15, he’d checked and there weren’t any lights on at her place. He hoped that was a good sign. He would like to check on her, but he absolutely didn’t want to wake her up, so he’d try to be patient and wait to hear from her via text.
As it was, he had a full day ahead of him at Mad Rob. He and Colton were taking the De Havilland up today after having to reschedule last week. And then this afternoon, he had a follow-up appointment with his urologist where hopefully he would get some answers about his lingering health issues and the fact that he didn’t seem to get an erection anymore.
Chris had just gotten in from the flight with Colton when he finally got his first text from Julie.
It simply said, “Am sleeping. Don’t worry.”
He texted back, looking for more details about her fever and how she felt, but she didn’t respond. He tried not to let that worry him, hoping that she was simply sleeping the day away and recuperating.
By the time he got to his doctor’s office, he was feeling a little nauseous himself. Sometimes no news is better than bad news and he had a feeling that today was going to be nothing but bad news. He was right.
By the time he left, he was reeling from phrases like decreased blood flow, prolonged impotence, and implants. Surprisingly, the most devastating of all was sterility. The doctor continued to reassure him that nothing was set in stone and sometimes in cases like these miracles did occur. But after surviving six months of having his balls bashed in on an almost daily basis, he just didn’t think the likelihood of a miracle was going to happen.
He was supposed to head back into Mad Rob after he left the doctor’s office, but he couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to have to face up to Colton or Mick and explain why there was this horrible devastation gnawing in the middle of his gut, so instead he turned his truck toward home, stopping at the liquor store on the way. He needed something to numb him from the reality of his life tonight.
As he entered his house, he glanced back at Julie’s. He hadn’t heard from her in the last couple of hours, but it looked like everything was quiet. He stood there for a moment and debated knocking on her door rather than heading into his house to get rip-roaring drunk, but she was just another example of how off-kilter his life had become since he’d been taken hostage. Just another thing that he loved wrenched out of his life a year ago.
He let himself into his house, opening the cap of the Scotch bottle as he went. This afternoon’s diagnosis drove the fact home. He’d still had hopes for a future between him and Julie. Oh sure, he knew that right now she was devastated over Aaron’s death, but he’d still had that tiny hope in the back of his brain and heart that someday, they could make a go of it.
But that could never be now. She deserved a family and he wasn’t a guy that could give them to her. He would have to sit back and watch her fall in love with another guy. It had been bad enough watching her with Aaron, but the thought of watching her belly grow with some other guy’s baby was devastating. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t stay here and be friends with her through that. He just couldn’t.
He took a large swig of the potent alcohol directly from the bottle and told himself the tears in his eyes were from the fumes. What was one more little lie to himself? Just like all the other little lies. Like the fact that he could ever have a normal life again. Or the idea that Colton and Jake could count on him. That someday he’d be normal without the horrible, debilitating nightmares killing his peace every night. Or that someday he could be normal with a wife and kids. What a joke. It was all a huge joke played on him by Fate. That bitch hated him.
He finally made it to the kitchen where he grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and filled it. Oh God, he’d never have intercourse again. Never be able to enjoy a woman’s lush curves or her soft sighs as she came to climax. That single day with