His heartbeat picked up at that idea, but he couldn’t pursue it. Even if he was whole—which he wasn’t—she was buried under grief over another man.
“Feel free to come over anytime,” she said.
Heaven help him. He thought those six months being held captive were torture. Living next to and maintaining a platonic friendship with Julie may prove to be just as difficult.
Chapter 5
It was most definitely a Monday morning. After not sleeping most the night, Julie fell asleep just as she was supposed to be getting up. As a result, she’d overslept and was now—she glanced down at her watch—forty-five minutes late. Damn!
On top of that, because she was late she had to park in the lot where she swore she would never go again, the one where Aaron was gunned down. She’d managed to avoid this parking lot since he’d died. He’d bled out mere steps from the hospital doors with emergency personnel everywhere. The irony was tragic, which pretty much summed up everything about Aaron’s life. It wasn’t fair. He’d deserved so much better, from both her and his life.
She wiped her sweaty palms onto the pants of her scrubs and peered out through her windshield. She could do this. She just had to ignore the rolling in her stomach and not think about it. The goal here was to get in the door without getting sick. A bead of sweat trickled down her spine as she stepped out of the car and walked quickly toward the door, trying not to draw attention to herself.
As she walked, she tried to create a mental list of what she needed to do today, but she couldn’t focus enough to even start it. Her eyes kept darting to the spot on the pavement where she knew he’d lain breathing his last breaths.
Her pulse pounded as she scrambled across the asphalt as quickly as she could without actually sprinting. The rolling in her stomach became incrementally worse. She cleared the doors and the blast of air conditioning slapped her face. It should have helped with the nausea, but didn’t. Heading straight for the women’s restroom, she violently lost her breakfast. The tears ran down her face as she slumped down the wall of the bathroom stall.
When her breathing began to slow, Julie became more aware of her environment. Thank God. It didn’t sound like anyone else was in the bathroom to witness her lack of self-control. She yanked some toilet paper out of the dispenser and wiped at her lingering tears and the cold sweat on the back of her neck. Flushing it down the toilet, she stood up straight and pushed her shoulders back. Nothing to do but go on. As she exited the stall, she dug in her purse for her spare toothbrush. Thank goodness, she at least had that.
She managed to avoid the mirror while she brushed her teeth, but couldn’t do so indefinitely.
As she met her own gaze in the mirror, it seemed like she observed a stranger. And from where she stood, that stranger was quickly unraveling. Throwing up had just enhanced the dark circles under her eyes and the lines of fatigue and stress bracketing her mouth.
Maybe it was time to go for some help, although she wasn’t sure she could go to her sister, Rachel, again. Even though she was a psychologist, following her advice had blown up in her face spectacularly the first time.
Thinking back to the card Pete had given her after class, she considered. Maybe that was her answer, but no, she wasn’t ready to take that step yet. This could be handled just fine. She just needed to be more disciplined, in control. That was the answer. It would work for her. It always had before, it could again.
She pulled the bathroom door open and stepped back out into the hallway, glancing surreptitiously around the crowded corridor. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice her as she slunk toward the physical therapy wing of the hospital.
She didn’t have any morning appointments today so she wasn’t letting down any patients by arriving over an hour late, but her boss wasn’t going to be happy with her.
The reception area was quiet and Julie simply nodded toward the questioning grimace of Melody, the physical therapy department’s receptionist. She knew there’d be no escaping her questions later, but for now, she didn’t slow her pace.
Julie managed to sink into her office chair without anyone stopping her. Her heart still pounded through her chest as she lowered