Open Your Heart (Kings Grove #4) - Delancey Stewart Page 0,67
across from one another, the dogs yipping and leaping around each other between us. For a minute, there was just the merry sound of the dogs and the heavy weight of Cam’s silence. Then he said, “How was your trip?”
“It was good,” I said. “Busy.” I told him about the concert series Theo had set up. “He’s ready for me to get down there as soon as possible.”
“What about the six month promise you made to your dad?”
“I talked to him about it in the car on the way back from the airport. He just wants me to be happy—and I think he feels like he accomplished what he set out to do in bringing me up here. We’ve talked.” An unfamiliar warmth rumbled through me, thinking about Dad now. “I’ve forgiven him. He explained a lot of things, and whatever resentment I had…it’s gone.”
Cam’s eyes held mine and he smiled. “That’s really good.”
“It is.”
“So when will you go?” Cam’s shoulders straightened as he asked, and his voice was steady, but lower, like he was bracing himself.
“Right after the wedding.”
He nodded, as if he’d expected that very answer.
“You’ve told Mike?”
I was actually dreading that part. “Not yet.”
“She’ll be sorry to lose you.”
“Yeah.” I knew it was true. I also knew I might be letting her down. We’d said six months, and I think when she’d hired me, she’d assumed I would end up staying longer than that—not less time. “I wish I could make everyone happy, but I can’t. I have to try to do what’s best for me, I guess. Put myself back on track.”
“You sure you’re not on track up here?”
I looked up, catching his eyes with mine and held them. I hadn’t expected that question; I really thought he was giving up, letting me go. And maybe he was, maybe he was just talking about the job. It took me a minute to process the question and Cam went on.
“I mean, it seems to me like you’ve got a lot of things here that most people look for when they go looking, right? A great job you enjoy. A good place to live. Family that loves you…” He trailed off and I waited for him to add something else because there was one other thing here that might convince me to reconsider, one thing I knew I wanted in life that I definitely didn’t have in Austin. But I wasn’t sure it was anything I had here either, and if Cam wasn’t willing to take a step forward, I couldn’t either. I’d already tried, and he’d made it clear we were not on the same page when it came to any possibilities between us.
“This is an amazing place,” I agreed, feeling let down. “But Austin is great too. And at least there…” I paused. I wanted to say that at least there I wouldn’t have to see Cam every day and wonder why he couldn’t just step through whatever wall held him back and acknowledge how much we wanted each other. I wanted to beg Cameron, throw things at him, do whatever it took to get through to him. But he was too afraid to take a risk, and I wasn’t sure I could handle another rejection from him. I was getting that now, I didn’t need him to spell it out for me again.
“Right,” he said.
“Look,” I tried. “Even if I stayed here, you’ve made it pretty clear how you feel about things. It’d be easier for me not to do…” I waved my hand back and forth between us. “Whatever this is. All the time.”
“If you stayed—“ he started.
“If I stayed, what?” I demanded, frustration and desire mixing inside me. Could he really tell me what might happen if I stayed, could he tell me he’d get out of his own way and give us a chance? “If I stayed… what?” I said, my voice almost a whisper, barely audible over the yips and playful growls of the dogs.
He stared at me a long second, and my mind chanted to the beat of my heart. Please. Please. Please. I needed to hear him admit his feelings, tell me he wasn’t going to be afraid anymore, that maybe we could get through fear and uncertainty together because there might be something much greater at the end of that dark road. His face cleared and for a second, I felt sure he was going to do it, take that step forward. Then he said, “I’m sure your