Only Her Smokejumper Firefighter - Cami Checketts Page 0,49

excuses didn’t matter. She’d done it. She’d slept with Bruce over and over again then lied to Ren about it.

She tried to take breaths in and out so she wouldn’t pass out, but all she wanted to do was run from this house and never have to face the disappointment and anger in Ren’s eyes. She didn’t know what his eyes were doing. She couldn’t look at him yet.

Ren walked slowly across the room. Each footstep felt like a death knoll. When he reached her, she forced herself to look up. His blue gaze was indeed full of disappointment and anger. It killed her not to look away. She’d ruined everything between them.

“Mavyn,” he ground out. “I almost killed a man because I thought he raped you. You willingly slept with him?” Pain flashed through his gaze.

Mavyn could only nod. They stared at each other for a few seconds. She had no clue what he could read on her face, but inside she was begging him to forgive her and somehow understand. Finally, she said, “I was scared to tell you.”

His eyebrows lifted but he didn’t say anything.

“I should go,” she said. If forgiveness was real and God really could heal all wounds, Ren would open himself to her, just one more time. Any indicator from him that he wanted her here, wanted to work through this, would be the breadcrumb she needed.

He studied her with those cheerless blue eyes and then nodded. “I think that would be best.”

This was it. She and Ren were over. It was all on her for lying to him, but she wished she could explain how broken she’d been and how scared she’d been of him despising her. She could blame her pastor, but she’d been the one to lie. She knew now that the merciful Lord could forgive her and was waiting with open arms. Sadly, she’d hurt Ren too much and he wasn’t willing to forgive and hold her.

She didn’t blame him. He didn’t need her excuses or a drawn-out conversation about how it could’ve gone differently between them. Amazingly, she didn’t cry. She simply shouldered her purse and walked to the door. Her hand was on the handle when he said, “Do you need a ride?”

That sentence undid her. He was so unemotional and seemed like he didn’t care, but he was too great of a guy to let her just walk away without a ride home.

“No, thank you. I’ll get an Uber.” Her voice quivered, but luckily didn’t break.

She paused, but that was it. Opening her purse, she pulled the beautiful portrait of the Savior out and gently set it on the table. She heard Ren pull in a quick breath behind her, but she didn’t let herself turn around.

She yanked the door open, hurried through it, and slammed it behind her. She didn’t mean to slam it, but she wasn’t about to open it and say, “Sorry I didn’t mean the slam. I’m not mad, simply broken in two.”

As she hurried off his porch, pulling her phone out and clicking on the Uber app, she knew it was true. She wasn’t mad. How could she be? But she was definitely broken.

Chapter Twelve

Mavyn should’ve had the Uber driver take her all the way to San Francisco, but her apartment would be empty with Cora in Mystical Lake. Sitting in this car for hours and then spending Christmas with her highly-medicated, probably-drunk, barely-functioning mother was more depressing than being alone.

She asked him to take her to the nicest hotel in town, which in his mind was apparently the Sheraton. She settled in and let herself have a good cry. Ah, Ren. She’d lied to him and he’d almost killed Bruce because of it. A perverse part of her loved that Ren felt that deeply protective of her, but mostly she was just sickened by it all. She’d lied and look what had happened.

Her phone rang. She sniffled and prayed. Please let it be Ren. Please let it be Ren.

She let herself look at the screen. Cora. At least it was someone she loved and trusted and didn’t have to play games with.

“Hey,” she whispered into the phone.

“Are you okay? Where are you?”

“I’m fine. I’m at the Sheraton in Redding.” She waited for Cora to ask why she wasn’t with Ren, but then it hit her. “Ren called Quill?”

“Yeah.”

She waited again. Ren was close to his brothers. Would he tell them everything? Would they all hate her? Grams? Would Grams hate her?