head spinning. I can’t believe I just threw myself at Luis after everything that’s happened in the past twenty-four hours. I mean, I can, but still. I’m both a walking cliché and a terrible friend. “Thanks for everything, Luis, but I’m still not hungry and I should probably just…go.”
Manny glances between Luis and me and seems to finally catch on. “Oh hey, no. Stick around. I’m just gonna grab my wallet and head out,” he says, but I’m already through the kitchen door. I pull my laptop bag off the chair where I left it without breaking stride, and head for the exit. I’m probably both a jerk and a wimp for leaving, but it’s too much to process all at once; embarrassment and guilt on top of the sort of intense physical attraction I wasn’t sure I was even capable of until just now. At least I finally know what all the fuss is about.
What all the fuss is about. Oh my God.
The memory hits right as I push through the front door. I’d said that to Bronwyn, when I was telling her about my disastrous night with Knox. “I wasn’t disappointed,” I told her. “Just relieved. The whole time we were kissing, I didn’t feel anything. All I could think was I don’t understand what all the fuss is about.”
I’d said it here. At my usual table, in public. Where anyone could have heard.
I’m an idiot.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Phoebe
Thursday, March 5
Today is shaping up to be a better-than-average day.
For one thing, Emma is sick. It’s not like I’m happy about her being locked in the bathroom puking her guts out, but breakfast is a lot less tense without her glaring at me. Plus, now I have the car and can offer Jules a ride. I’ve been walking to and from school lately to give Emma space, which means Jules has been either taking the bus or getting a ride from Monica. And I miss her.
The second reason today sucks less is this: for the first time in weeks, I feel like the Truth or Dare game isn’t hanging over my head. I know it’s still out there, but not having to worry about it buzzing across my phone is a huge relief. I never realized that out of sight, out of mind could be so powerful. When I get dressed I reach for my favorite skirt, which I haven’t worn for a while because it’s also my shortest skirt, and the familiar swish of fabric around my legs makes me feel more like myself than I have for a while.
“You look nice, honey,” Mom says when I enter the kitchen area. She does too—she’s wearing one of her old sweater dresses paired with chunky jewelry and boots, and I smile when I grab the car keys from their peg beside the door. Mom and I aren’t as similar personality-wise as she and Emma are, but we both use fashion to express ourselves more than anyone else in our family does. If I’m reading Mom’s outfit correctly, she’s feeling more like her old self, too. Which makes a third reason to feel good about today.
When I pick up Jules, she grins at the sight of me in the driver’s seat. “What happened to Miss Stick Up Her Ass?”
I feel a stab of defensiveness for Emma, but I don’t want to argue with Jules when I’ve barely seen her all week. “Stomach virus,” I say.
Jules laughs as she slides into the front seat instead of the back. “Too bad, so sad. I could get used to this.” She flips the radio until it lands on a Beyoncé song, then fastens her seat belt as I pull away from the curb. We sing along for a few verses, and I’m starting to relax into the familiar rhythm of her company until she says, “So, I heard about a thing.”
“What thing?”
“Coach Ruffalo bought a bunch of tickets for one of Cooper Clay’s games at Fullerton. He’s giving them out to anyone at Bayview who wants them. Including recent grads.” She smacks her lips together like she’s about to devour her favorite dessert when I don’t reply. “We should go. I bet you anything Nate will be there.”
“Probably, but…” This time I can’t hold my tongue. “Don’t you think it’s maybe time to give that up?”
Her voice gets cool. “Give what up?”
“It’s just—Nate knows you’re interested, right? You kissed him. He’s a pretty straightforward person, from what I’ve seen. If he wanted