She hears her friends going over it all. Speaking a version of her original words. First there was the thing itself. Then there was her own retelling. And now there’s yet another iteration. Another layer of the truth being laid down as the birds outside sing and the warm wind sighs through the trees.
She listens to them tell of how Mr Lawson kissed her. How he touched her, and he wouldn’t stop. How his hands were everywhere, all over her body, beneath her clothes. How she had to fight him off and run away.
But the thing she hasn’t told them is that she thought she liked him. She thought she wanted him to kiss her. Only, the thing is, as soon as he had bent to kiss her, she realised that this wasn’t what she wanted at all. The fantasy in her head was different to the reality of here and now. This grown-up man wasn’t what she wanted. She got scared and told him to stop. She’d tried to pull away. She had told him ‘no’.
But he hadn’t listened. He hadn’t listened at all.
Sixteen
Friday
TIA
Kelly arrives at the café at noon on the dot. I’ve already been here for fifteen minutes, which was probably a mistake because Leo’s already finished his milkshake and now his sugar rush is kicking in. He’s fidgeting in his chair and whining about being bored. I should have got him to burn off some energy in the park first, but I wanted to arrive in plenty of time in case Kelly managed to get here early. I feel a bit bad asking her to give up her lunch break to meet me when it was clear she had other stuff to do. But I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t desperate.
‘Mummy, I want a sausage roll.’ Leo points to the counter.
‘Please,’ I admonish.
‘Please. I want a sausage roll.’
‘The lady will come in a minute and you can tell her what you want. But you have to say please, all right?’
‘Aw right.’
‘Hey, Tia.’ Kelly sits down opposite me and leans closer, speaking quietly so no one else can hear. ‘Everything okay? You seemed a bit upset earlier. I wanted to come and see how you were, but I couldn’t leave the shop.’
Her kindness is going to undo me. Now that she’s here, I’m desperate to tell her what’s been going on, to unburden myself, but I’m not even sure where to start. She doesn’t have a long break, so I think I’m just going to have to launch straight into it. I wipe Leo’s hands with a napkin and give him my iPhone to play on. That’s probably the only thing in the known universe that will keep him occupied for more than ten minutes. I also give him my earbuds to keep him from eavesdropping. Once he’s settled, I lean forward in my chair. I realise my heart is thumping in my ears. I’m nervous about telling my friend.
What if she doesn’t believe me? Or, worse, what if she saw me going off with a man at the club but hasn’t said anything? Maybe she and Fiona have been discussing that night behind my back. But that’s ridiculous. Kelly isn’t like that. She would tell me straight. She would ask me outright. Anyway, I’m almost positive that those photographs are fake.
‘Well…’ I begin.
Kelly waits for me to go on.
‘Hi.’ A familiar voice interrupts my attempt to explain what’s been going on. I look up and try not to let my disappointment and annoyance show when I see who it is. It’s Fiona. What’s she doing here?
‘Hi, Fi.’ Kelly turns and gives her a warm smile.
‘Hey,’ I say quietly, hoping she’s just here to say a quick hello and then leave.
She seems a little unsure of herself, which isn’t at all like Fiona. She’s usually so self-possessed and confident. ‘I was just walking past and saw you guys through the window.’
‘We’re just having a quick sandwich,’ Kelly says, flushing. I can tell she feels bad for not asking Fi to join us. ‘But I know you don’t usually eat carbs.’
‘Actually, I’m craving a cheese roll.’ Fiona gives a nervous laugh.
‘Sounds good, you should let loose and order one,’ I say, trying to keep my voice light. Trying not to blurt out that I want her to leave because I’m in the middle of a really important conversation.
‘Actually, do you mind if I gatecrash your lunch? I need cheering up.’