changes to one of barely concealed excitement. ‘It’s just… well… I’m pregnant, actually. Me and Josh are having a baby and we’re moving back east to be nearer my parents.’
‘Oh.’ I realise I don’t sound happy for her, so I make an attempt to recover myself. ‘Well, that’s fantastic news. Congratulations!’ I reach forward and give her an awkward hug.
‘Thanks, Fiona. I’ll work out my notice of course.’
‘Well, only if you feel up to it.’
She laughs. ‘I’m pregnant, not sick.’ Her hand goes to her stomach, which I realise is a little more rounded than usual. Funny I never noticed.
‘I didn’t realise you wanted to start a family.’
‘It wasn’t planned. But Josh is really happy about it and he’s asked me to marry him.’
‘Well, that’s a double congratulations then!’ I try to sound happier than I feel. It’s awful to admit it, but aside from the inconvenience of losing my assistant, there’s another feeling bubbling up inside my gut. Something visceral. Primal. It’s not about Molly leaving, it’s more to do with the fact that she’s only twenty-two – ten years younger than me – and she’s having a baby with her boyfriend. I realise that I’m jealous of Molly. Which is crazy, isn’t it?
I’ve always known Nathan doesn’t want kids, and I don’t either. Before we got married, we both decided that we wanted to enjoy our careers without the guilt or distraction of having children. Nathan has always been extremely ambitious, and I’ve always loved my work, so it made sense to take the pressure off ourselves. To not conform to society’s expectations. But lately, I’ve been having these thoughts that maybe it wouldn’t be altogether terrible to have a family. I see my friends with their children, and I’ve always thought it looks chaotic and messy and painful and – to be frank – like bloody hard work. So why would I want to put myself through that? It makes no sense. These new maternal feelings are inconvenient. But I can’t help them. And, looking back at the decision Nathan and I made, I can’t help wondering whether it really was my decision to not have kids, or whether I just went along with him because I didn’t want to rock the boat. But I must be crazy to be thinking about this right now, because how can I even contemplate having a family when everything else is such a mess?
‘Are you okay, Fiona?’ Molly’s frowning at me.
‘Yes, I’m fine. Just trying to take in your news. You must be so excited.’
‘I am. Nervous about being a mum, but I also can’t wait, if that even makes sense!’ she laughs. It’s the most animated I’ve ever seen her.
‘You’ll be great,’ I say, taking a sip of my coffee.
‘I hope so. I know I’m changing the subject a bit, but what are you going to do about those tax guys?’ Molly jerks her head in the direction of my office. ‘It looks like they’re going through absolutely everything. I was talking to Josh about it last night and he said—’
‘You told Josh about them?’ I snap, suddenly furious that my employee has been gossiping about my affairs.
‘Yeah.’ She flushes. ‘I didn’t realise it was a secret. I mean, you can see them through the glass. They’re not exactly hidden from view.’
‘Yes,’ I concede, ‘but no one knows who they are. They could be anyone.’
‘They’re going through your files, Fiona. It’s pretty obvious they’re from the tax office.’
‘Uh, no. They could be accountants, or lawyers or anyone. Look, that’s beside the point. You shouldn’t be gossiping about my private business to everyone.’
‘Josh isn’t everyone. He’s my fiancé. And you never told me it was a secret.’ She scowls. ‘And it’s a business matter, not a private one – I work here.’
I get to my feet and stretch my arms out in front of me, trying to dampen my anger. ‘You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m just a bit tense. It’s so disruptive having them here. Puts me on edge. And it’s a real creativity killer, you know?’
She shrugs. ‘What did Nathan say?’
‘About what?’
She looks at me as though I’m losing the plot. ‘About the tax guys.’
‘Oh, well, not a lot.’
She raises an eyebrow. ‘You didn’t tell him?’
I sigh. ‘Not yet. I haven’t had a chance.’
‘You should tell him. He might be able to help.’
I’m not enjoying this straight-talking Molly. I think I preferred it when she kept her opinions to herself.
She sniffs. ‘I don’t plan on keeping secrets from Josh.