coffee, gazing out through the double doors without a care in the world, oblivious to the turmoil in my head. Oblivious to those photos in the drawer. I marvel at the idea that two people who know each other so well can keep such secrets. Ed has no idea of the nightmare in my head right now. He thinks everything is hunky-dory.
What would his reaction be if I showed him the photos? Would our perfect marriage be over? My whole body grows heavy at the thought. Ed and I have a great relationship. We’re rock solid. Neither of us would ever do anything to jeopardise that. Not ever.
Those pictures must be photoshopped. The alternative just doesn’t bear thinking about. The date on them is the same night I went clubbing with Kelly and Fiona last month – and yes I might have had a bit too much to drink, but that’s because I hardly ever go out any more and I was making the most of it.
I had a good time that night but got tired quite quickly. I jumped into a taxi and went home early. But if those photos are to be believed, I didn’t go straight home at all. I met someone, kissed them outside the club, got into a taxi, went home with them, got undressed and got into bed with them. Slept with them. Trouble is, I don’t remember doing any of that. And surely my friends would have said something if they’d seen me with a man. Unless one of them is behind it? But that’s an awful thing to wonder. I’m obviously not thinking straight. They’re my friends, for goodness sake!
I inhale deeply, but this time even deep breaths won’t save me. I rush from the kitchen and into the downstairs loo where I heave my guts into the toilet, throwing up my breakfast and coffee until there’s nothing left in my stomach but air.
‘Tia! Tee, are you okay?’
I manage to pull the loo door closed behind me and lock it. I don’t want Ed to see me like this. I don’t want him asking what’s wrong. And I don’t want to lie to him. I’ve never lied to him. I don’t trust myself not to tell him about the photos. And if I do that before I’ve figured out who’s behind it, he might not believe me. And, right now, I’m feeling more than a bit shaky about the remote possibility that I might have slept with a stranger. Or worse, that he might have taken advantage of me.
Ten
KELLY
I stand in the school playground trying not to bite my nails or chew my hair. I haven’t done the school pick-up for ages, now that the boys prefer walking in on their own. The normality of it all seems alien – the little cliques of mums standing in huddles, the preschoolers charging around with footballs or scooters. I take it all in, feeling a mixture of anxiety and nostalgia as car doors slam and the breeze rustles the trees.
I notice Leo racing up and down the playground on his scooter. That means Tia or Ed must be here. I glance around, finally spotting my friend standing alone by the fence, staring off into space, her unruly curls framing her heart-shaped face. She looks so young and lost. That’s not like Tia – she’s usually surrounded by other mums. She’s one of those warm, friendly souls to whom everyone gravitates. Always laughing and making others feel great, so it surprises me to see her caught up so thoroughly in her own world.
I decide to leave her be, wanting to collar Ryan and Sonny as soon as I can so that I can firstly see how Ryan’s doing after today’s episode at school, and secondly tell them about Sophie.
When I returned from my earlier meeting with the deputy head, Sophie was still in the house, tucked away in the attic room, sitting in the rocking chair. There was no sign that she’d been into the rest of the house and she was still incredibly grateful to me. I’d got home with the intention of persuading her to contact a shelter or the police, but when it came down to it, I just couldn’t bring myself to turn her away. She’s a woman who’s been through something and she needs a break. I know how that feels.
Tia glances over and catches my eye, interrupting my thoughts. She doesn’t smile straightaway. Instead she looks hesitant, almost irritated