The One Night Stand Before Christmas - Jana Aston Page 0,17

I knew who he was.” I cross my arms across my chest and huff in irritation. “It could have happened to anyone.”

“Err,” Jillian hedges, “that’s doubtful. The chances of banging Santa have got to be super-low. For starters he only gets out once a year.”

“Haha. Jillian’s got jokes.” I roll my eyes before slumping in my chair, defeated.

“Okay, catch me up. Someone who was not my brother showed up and voluntarily put on a Santa suit, then spent the entire afternoon taking pictures with crabby kids before he seduced you in the library office?”

“Um, sorta?” It wasn’t exactly like that. “He asked me to dinner first.”

“Ohh.” Jillian looks interested. She’s abandoned the cookies to wave me on.

“Which I declined. Then he talked me into having hot chocolate with him. And then I lured him back to my house and seduced him.”

“But you never exchanged numbers or real names? Did you call him Santa all night? You’re such a pervert.” Jillian’s expression is a mixture of awe and abhorrence.

“I thought his name was Teddy. And no, we didn’t exchange numbers.” I straighten the stapler on my desk, wondering how I can get her out of my office before she asks any more questions. “Is your office phone ringing? I think I hear it ringing.” I look pointedly toward the door.

“How did it end?” Jillian is not going to be dissuaded. “Did he escape through your chimney while you were sleeping?”

“No.” I staple a couple of Post-Its together. “I used the front door to leave while he was sleeping and he was gone by the time I came home.”

Jillian blinks at me.

I attach a paperclip to my stapled Post-its.

“You snuck out of your own house? What is wrong with you?”

“I’m not sure.”

“You’re not sure if that’s what happened or you’re not sure what’s wrong with you?”

“The latter.”

I gnaw on my lip, more upset than I have a right to be. I’m confused too, because I’m not exactly sure why I care. Knockoff Teddy was just a fling, that’s all. It’s not like I expected or wanted more from him. Hell, I’m the one who ditched him. I’m the one who didn’t even give him a chance to ask for more, or even so much as my number.

But… why is that? Why didn’t I even let him take me to a real dinner when he asked?

Because better safe than sorry, right? Or maybe what I really mean is it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Except there’s another saying in twenty-something dating. It’s better to have loved and taken the hell off before he doesn’t call. Okay, fine, that’s not an actual saying.

That’s my fear talking.

I was scared. That’s the truth of the matter. Scared that Teddy felt like something real. Like someone real. So instead of risking my heart and giving him even half a chance, I used him for sex and bolted.

’Tis the season to act like a dick.

But I was right, wasn’t I? He’s not heart-worthy material. What kind of man lets you spend an entire day thinking he’s someone he’s not? Huh? What about that? I want to slide the vindication of my righteousness over my shoulders like a puffy down parka, but it’s not fitting as well as I’d expected. It’s kinda tight, as if I misjudged my size. As if I accidentally picked out a parka in the children’s department. Which I might have, because I acted like a child.

Or maybe… possibly… my love-shielding parka doesn’t fit as well as it once did.

Maybe it doesn’t fit because I’m wearing a thick sweater of regret under it. A heavy cable-knit yarn of what-if.

Maybe I should have taken a chance. Let him take me to dinner. Let him kiss me good night on my doorstep and given him the chance to call and ask me out again. See where it led instead of being so sure I knew where we’d end up. Given him the chance to break my heart, because maybe, just maybe, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

“Well, that was quite the Christmas feel-good story, Noel. Thank you.” Jillian stands and brushes the crumbs off of her lap and onto my office floor. Normally this would irritate the hell out of me but I’m so distracted I let it slide.

Distracted because I’d really like to see Knockoff Teddy again.

Too bad I have no idea who he is.

Chapter 9

“I totally fucked up.”

Surprisingly,