One More Storm (Mistletoe Matchmakers of Clearwater County #6) - Bonnie R. Paulson Page 0,40
is just a small part of things. What exactly did Jennifer do? What does she know? I have no idea and I have no idea how to protect my family… Either of them.”
“That’s why you’re crying? You think it’s your job to protect the Wilsons and the Deans?” Tommy continued sitting there, holding them captive in the moment as if he didn’t want space between them either.
“Isn’t it? I’m the reason they’re fractured. I’m the evidence of what Jennifer and Simon did. I’m the only tie between the two families that isn’t a legal paper or a promise between two people. And I don’t fit in with either of them. This is all my fault and I just want to fix it for everyone.” She blinked back frustrated and painfilled tears. “You can’t possibly understand what that’s like, though, to have so much responsibility and not know how to fix it.”
Tommy huffed. “You’d be surprised. I…” He fell silent.
Amanda needed someone to have a similar problem. Not because she wanted anyone, especially Tommy, to suffer in any way, but because she needed someone to truly understand what she was saying. “What? Tell me. I can be as trustworthy as you can. I promise.”
Something crossed Tommy’s expression and then he spoke. “My grandmother will most likely lose her ranch. It’s been in the family for generations. Her husband had medical bills. My parents were in an accident that killed them, but not before racking up atrocious hospital bills that insurance refused to cover. Grams’ new trip to the hospital is just piling more on and… I have the chance to do something that can pull us out of all of this mess, but it means I have to do something I really don’t want to do.” He searched her eyes as if she was the only one who could give him permission to do what he didn’t want to.
“Are you killing anyone? Is that what you don’t want to do?” Amanda ran her thumb over his eyebrow, unable to keep herself from touching him.
“Well, no.” Tommy didn’t pull away from her touch, instead he seemed to push closer to her.
Amanda kept her voice low as she continued. “Then can whatever it is really be that bad?” Tommy wasn’t a liar or a thief. Whatever he was set on doing, he could do it. “It’s for your grandmother, your family. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my family. Just do it. It won’t last forever and the intentions are worthy.”
Tommy set his jaw and nodded, determination shrinking the size of the black of his eyes. “You’re right. I need to stick to the plan. Keep my goal in mind.” He smiled sadly at her. “Thanks, Amanda. I’m supposed to be helping you and you’re helping me instead.”
Amanda didn’t want to see his sadness. The emotion brought out a similar pang in her heart and she didn’t want to feel that way with him.
“We’re a mess, aren’t we? Are you sure you’re qualified to fix people?” Amanda teased, tugging on the brim of his hat.
Tommy laughed but pulled back, moving to a standing position and going to take a seat across the desk from Amanda. “Some days I doubt my credentials.” He pulled his notebook closer to him and leaned back in the chair, crossing his ankle over his opposite knee. “Well, I think we should talk some more about you journaling. Did you enjoy it?”
“Yeah, I enjoyed it a lot.” Amanda tried to ignore the chill his return to therapist mode left behind. She swallowed and swung her chair into position, leaning an elbow on the desk. “I should probably get back into it.” She couldn’t remember what she’d put in that journal from so long ago that her mother had given her. When was the last time she’d written in it? What had she done to stop writing in it?
Had she stopped believing in secrets or had she become so consumed by them that she’d stopped thinking they needed to be documented?
“Amanda? Are you okay?” Tommy broke through her reverie.
Amanda blinked, sitting up from where she’d rested her chin in her hand. “I’m sorry. You know what? We should probably rain check this. I’m exhausted and I can’t really focus. You don’t deserve that.” She wasn’t going to sit there and try to be something she wasn’t.
She was tired and distracted and she didn’t want Tommy seeing her that way. Not that early in their relationship, whatever it was they had.