She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Where did those come from?”
“I ordered them. Brodie said you were a top businesswoman, and frankly I found that a little intimidating.”
It was the first time she’d found her achievements uncomfortable. “Mary—”
“It’s true. You’re an impressive woman, Gayle. Which is why I know for sure you’ll be able to find a way through this. What would you say if I was in your situation and you were advising me?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything.”
“That’s because you’re having a wobble, but if you read Chapter Six in this one—” Mary pushed Choice Not Chance in front of her “—you’ll remember to take your own advice and never make your choices when you’re feeling tired, low or any way less than at full strength.”
Gayle put her hand on Brave New You. “I’m embarrassed to open this. It seems so smug and self-satisfied to me now. A whole book telling people how to embrace change and cope with change, and here I am not handling change at all.”
“I don’t see a section in this book where you tell people change is easy. You’re honest about how hard it is. That’s part of what makes it so valuable. This is written by someone who understands that change is hard.”
“You probably haven’t read enough of it to know.”
“I’ve read the book twice, Gayle, and I can’t tell you how much it has helped me. I woke up this morning feeling stronger than I have in a long while. Since before my Cameron died. I woke up with hope, and a tiny bit of excitement for the future. And you’re the reason why. Do you know how many books I’ve flung at the wall in the past year?”
“You’ve read other books?”
“Yes. I grabbed onto everything, like a drowning woman clinging to logs in the hope that they’ll keep her above the surface. I wanted to find a way to rebuild my life, but all I could see was what lay behind me, not what lay ahead. Your book changed that. And I’m not the only one you’ve helped. I went online and saw the reviews, and also some of the comments from people who have heard you speak. Women whose lives you changed. You should feel proud. Do you know how many people you’ve inspired? You’ve changed lives, Gayle.”
She was going to cry again, and her face was still swollen and blotchy from the last time. “I think we might need some of those onions you mentioned.”
“Your family are out in the forest. They won’t be back for a while, and when they are we’ll hear them. Read your own books, Gayle. That’s my advice.” Mary gave Gayle’s shoulder a squeeze. “You’ve talked a lot about your girls, and about your career, but nothing about yourself. Your personal life. Your needs.”
“My girls and my career were my life.”
“You never fell in love again?”
“I never let myself.” Gayle blew her nose hard. “I’m not saying there weren’t men. There were a few over the years, but never for any length of time. And that was my choice. It took every drop of my energy and willpower to build what I had, and I couldn’t risk it all.” She paused. “That’s what I tell myself. I suppose the truth is I was scared of relationships, too.”
“And who wouldn’t be, after coming through what you came through?”
“I always thought of myself as fearless, but I never moved outside the safe little bubble I’d created for myself.”
“Enough self-blame and regret, Gayle. You probably feel awful after all that crying. You should eat something more. Try my shortbread. My grandmother taught me to make it when I was the same age as your granddaughter. She swore it could make everything better. I used to come by after school with skinned knees and she’d sit me down right here at this table with a glass of milk. It was years before I realized shortbread didn’t really have magical healing properties.”
“That’s a great story.”
Mary put a slice on a plate and gave it to Gayle. “And it’s not too late, you know.”
“For what?”
“For a relationship. Intimacy. Fulfilment.”
“I’ve had a very fulfilling career. I’ve been lucky.” Listless, Gayle broke off a corner off the shortbread. She had no appetite, but she didn’t want to hurt Mary’s feelings. She couldn’t remember a time when she’d been shown such kindness. She didn’t operate in a world where people were kind. In her world you had to fight