Once and Again - By Lauren Dane Page 0,23

him. He’s much calmer. His work is better. Consistent. He’s not so sullen and angry all the time.”

“It’s that program you recommended, actually.”

Nathan had told Lily about an afterschool tutoring and mentoring program. It was therapeutic, the adults were experts in one field or another, and the other kids were often facing troubles at home like Chris, or worse. The older ones, the tutors, were kids who’d overcome those troubles. It was a great option. One that would have been cut had it not been for a fundraising drive Tate’s mother-in-law held last fall. Polly Chase had been able to raise enough to keep the program for two days a week—once in the middle school and once in the high school—for the next two academic years.

“Glad to hear it. Tim does some volunteer work, takes on some of the older kids who may be interested in filling journeyman positions with local businesses like his.”

She smiled at him. A real smile, like the one she’d given Derek, and it made him miss what they’d had, that easiness between them.

“Really? I’m not surprised. He’s hanging out with some kids I think will be better for him in the long run. It’s been a month or so, but I’m cautiously hopeful. I’ve been very grateful for all the support he’s received from the school.”

“Is your sister not helping at all?”

“Is that a rhetorical question? She’s still telling our mother to hold on, that our father will finish up with his little friend and come back. The worst part is, I think my mother believes it. He’s so mean to her, it would be the worst thing possible for her to go back. But…” She shook her head and ate for a while. “It’s none of my business if she does. But I think it would be bad for Chris to have our father in and out of his life. Parenthood isn’t a place you visit when you get bored.”

“You’re right. He’s lucky to have you.” And he was.

“He’s my family.”

“Yes, he is. But a lot of people don’t put the same meaning into it that you do.”

“Or you.”

Really she was irresistible.

“I was wrong not to at least try to explain what happened.”

She began to speak, but he held a hand up.

“Please let me say this.”

“It’s too late.”

“Even so. Look, I was stupid. Egotistical. The kiss was nothing to me. It was a moment, not even a moment, and I was pushing her back when you came in. I was dumb and she was dumb and she kissed me and I kissed her back. I told you while we were on a break that I’d not see anyone else and but for that moment, I didn’t break my promise. But I did break it and then I didn’t own it. And then you left and I told myself I didn’t need you because it was just a stupid thing and you didn’t even want to hear what I had to say. When really it was that I was an ass and felt guilty and resented that.

“And the longer it went unspoken, the harder it got until I just didn’t do it, and then you finished school and left Atlanta and I finished school and came back to Petal. I should have gone to you. I should have explained. I should have told you then that I was being a dick and that I was sorry. I should have begged you to take me back. But I didn’t and here you sit and I miss you, Lil. I miss you so much that every time I see you it takes all my strength not to touch you like I once did.”

She watched him, her emotions clear in her expression. He wanted to make her laugh again. Wanted her to watch him hungrily, the way she once did. Wanted her to trust him.

“I made a lot of mistakes. I was careless with your heart when I should have cherished it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I was wrong. I’m sorry because I didn’t respect you. I’m sorry because I lost you and not just as my girlfriend, but as a friend.”

She ate for a time after he finished his apology. An apology she’d have given anything to hear those years before. Never in her life had she hurt as much as she had when she saw him around after that night and he never said a word to her.

“You made me feel like what we had,