Oh Lord, Help Me Keep My Panties on - By Lynda Burton Page 0,84

vacuum cleaner was a blaze and the vacuum cleaner was on fire. I screamed and pushed it back through the dining room and into the kitchen. Max turned around just in time to see a streak of fire run up my sleeve. I quickly ripped off my shirt, and threw it to the floor, then I grabbed for the spray hose and turned on the water. Max pushed me out the way then picked up the vacuum cleaner by the handle and threw it out the back door. My whole house was now filled with smoke, and my smoke detectors were ringing to beat the band.

We opened the windows and doors and aired the house out then ended up laughing about the whole vacuum cleaner ordeal. Max opened up to me and asked me to forgive him. “Baby, I’m sorry that I hurt you, but you never seemed to be into me, and I want to be loved. Every tine I told you that I loved you, you’d look at me and smile, but you never told me how you felt. So I assumed you didn’t. I love you, can we please work it out,” Max asked. I didn’t want to go into the New Year with hurt and hatred in my heart, and agreed to work it out with Max. We decided to start the year off on a clean slate and become a stronger and happier couple. So the rest of the night, we played music and watched TV until the ball dropped. Then we went upstairs to bed. I guess he thought we’d have make-up sex but boy was he wrong.

The next morning, New Year’s Day was part two from hell, and it came crashing down like a ton of bricks. We woke up sometime around 9 AM and wished each other a Happy New Year. Max was anxious to call his dad and the rest of his family and to also wish them a Happy New Year. As soon as he turned his phone on, it rang. I turned over and looked at him and sat up in the bed. “Is that her?” I asked. Max looked at me with his mouth wide open and then looked at the phone. “Answer it, and make sure the speaker phone is on. I want to hear this bitch, and I want her to hear me!” I said with venom spewing from my lips. Max looked horrified and complied.

“Hello,” he answered. All I could hear was a female screaming and cursing at the top of her lungs. When she came up for air and stopped screaming, Max told her that she was on the speaker phone and that I was listening to their conversation. Confidently, Max said “Haley and I are together, and what happened between us was a mistake. I didn’t mean to mislead you or give you the impression that we were going to work things out between us. I told Haley that we went on a few dates, so please leave us alone.”

I sat up in the bed and propped up my pillows behind me. Max was trying hard to convince me that he was innocent, and I started to believe his story. It was a strong and direct statement that he just spewed out to her, and if she wasn’t a stalker, she’d leave him alone. “What! What? What? Can she hear me? Is she on the phone right now?” the girl asked. “Yeah, she can hear you, you’re on the speaker phone, and Haley is right beside me,” Max again stated. “Oh, yeah mother fucker. She yelled back. Well, Haley, did Max tell you that we were sleeping together again? Did he tell you that we fuck all the time now? Did he tell you that we drive around in your new fancy car while you were away on business trips or when you’re on vacation? Did he tell you that I was pregnant?” she yelled.

I froze. I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t talk. My body began to sweat, and I saw red. I became flush, and I started feeling pains in my chest. Rage filled my eyes and I was on the verge of snapping. Max yelled, “Pregnant! How are you pregnant?” He started to argue with her then looked over at me. I had gotten out of bed and headed for the window. I opened the window as wide as I could then I grabbed as much of his shit as I