Oh Lord, Help Me Keep My Panties on - By Lynda Burton Page 0,75
pointing at me. “What are you doing here?” he asked in a scared tone. I turned back to look at the girl and watched her slam the car into park then bolt out of the door with her fist balled up. At the same time, Hassan jumped out of my car and stood in the street. I was getting dizzy. Hassan and the girl stood in front of my car and began to argue. I sat behind the wheel of my car stunned and unable to move. Then without warning, the girl punched Hassan right in the mouth! She swung again and hit him in his eye. Then she hit him in the stomach all the while Hassan was yelling. “It’s not what you think. I was at a party!”
All I could do was to sit behind the wheel of my vehicle and say “Oh shit!” I didn’t know if I should laugh or put my car in reverse and back down the street where it was safe! All of a sudden Hassan started running around my car with the girl hot on his ass. Mind you, the light was still red, and now cars were coming up behind us. They moved up behind us, keeping a safe distance, and watched the show. Out of breath, Hassan stops and the girl runs up to him, rips off his shirt, and goes into the windmill fight mode. She bloodies his nose and scratches his arms and chest. When she begins to get tired she starts kicking him in the legs. Robyn turns to me and yells, “Girl, I don’t know what he told you, but this is my man!” She turns back to Hassan who’s limping away and jumps on his back and starts punching him in the back of the head like someone playing a conga drum. He reaches up and pulls her off and spins her around. She gets an arm loose and smacks him across the face again. “Wait till I get your fucking ass home! I’m gonna fuck your ass up! Get your damn ass in the car and let’s go!” she yells again.
Hassan walked over to his shirt, and picked it up off the ground then walked over to her car. Robyn looked at me while patting her hair down, and orders Hassan to get in the car then speed off down the street. I pulled my car over to the side of the road and sat laughing at what I had just witnessed. Oh my god! What the fuck just happened? I laughed out loud! I was glad as hell that she went after him instead of me. But I’m sure she saw from the look on my face, I didn’t have a clue what was going on. I thought out loud. I have to call somebody and tell them what happened!
Nobody’s ever going to believe me, I laughed to myself! I wanted to call Sean and Monica, but they were on vacation. Nia was at her boyfriend’s for the weekend. And it was a little early to call Ann. After I regained my composure, I realized that I had no idea where in the hell I was. So I sought out the nearest gas station for directions back to the Jersey Turnpike.
Shit! I was excited and pumped up! I laughed all the way home and waited impatiently to tell my story to somebody. It was 7:45 in the morning and I was on the phone. I called Ann’s number and prayed that she’d answered the phone. She answered the phone half asleep with a raspy deep voice. “Hello. Who’s this calling so early?” “Girl, it’s me,” I said. “I’m sorry to call you so early, but it’s real important!” “Is everything okay? What’s wrong?” “Look, make some coffee; this can’t wait! I’ll be over in a few minutes.” I hung up the phone, and made my way across town. Within minutes, I was standing on Ann’s front porch ringing her bell. She opened the door and invited me in. “Okay, so what’s so damn important that you have me up and making coffee at 8AM?” I smiled and walked through the door holding up the pastries. “Girl, Hassan got his ass kicked in front of his house this morning by his GIRLFRIEND.” Ahhhh, shit. Ann yelled. As I began to tell the story, Ann cut the coffee cake while I poured the coffee. She screamed, choked, laughed and cried till her stomach hurt. “I