Oh Lord, Help Me Keep My Panties on - By Lynda Burton Page 0,5
him to put his arms around me, to hold me, to kiss me.
This man in a matter of a dance opened and unleashed something in my heart. Not believing what I was feeling, I tried to convince myself that I was just lonely and was imagining the feelings I was feeling. But I had to admit to myself, I did want to be with him. This man brought a strange sense of security and comfort to me. He stimulated feelings inside my body that I thought had died years ago, which would never return. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since I was in love or someone wanted me flaws and all.
He motioned to me that we should take a short break from the dance floor, and then gently grabbed me by the hand and we headed towards the bar. He grabbed two bottles of water, while I found us a huge oversized chair in the back of the VIP lounge. He sat down first, spreading his legs wide then motioned for me to sit between his legs. I sat down and pushed my buttock up against his body and slowly sipped my water while resting my back against his chest. The heat that radiated off his chest was intense! Without uttering a word he wrapped his legs around me and began to rub my shoulders and arms. His hands were large and strong. He worked my tight muscles with care and caressed me when he finished. I was sitting there in a meditative state accessing my past relationships.
Damn, I said to myself. Some of my relationships started out good, some started out great, but why didn’t they ever last? They never even got to the love thing. I remember guys would ask me the do-you–love-me question. I didn’t mean to sound heartless, callous, and cold, but I never hesitated with my reply, “No.” I didn’t want to hurt their feelings so I always threw in some lame comment like “I’m not there yet, but I like you a lot.” But that was as vocal I could be about my affection. It had been a long time since I said “I love you” to anyone and meant it.
I knew deep down in my heart, I was bitter from my past relationships, and I promised myself never to open my heart up to anyone again. I knew mentally I couldn’t endure the disappointment, the heartache, and feeling of being inadequate in love. There was no need to allow anyone into my space and heart, and I constantly reminded myself of that. I had already prepared myself to live a loveless life, and at that time I was okay with that. I had accepted the fact that men were tainted with the greed of flesh, fast women, and consumed with lies and false appearances. I refused to let myself get pissed off with their assorted lies, their thirst for infidelity, the head games, and their lack of being responsible for their actions. My mind-set was to not give a shit and to play the game the way they did.
Just then, I felt a kiss on my neck and snapped out of my meditative state. I turned around and looked at this handsome man that had engulfed me in his arms. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, “What’s your name?” “Haley,” I replied. “My name is Jordan,” and smiled showing those perfect pearly whites. Just then my heart fluttered, and I could feel my heart racing. He asked, “Are you presently dating someone?” A big smile came across my face and I said no, loud and clear. I told him that I had just broken up with a guy and that was the reason why I was out at the club alone.
Jordan stated that he had just ended his relationship with the mother of his son and had recently moved to New York from Detroit. I told him that I lived in Long Island and worked in two locations in Manhattan. One office was in the State Department building on 125 Street and the other office was located across from city hall on Broadway. I told Jordan that I was a personal secretary for a state senator. Jordan told me that he dances professionally. “Tap, modern, jazz, which is it?” I asked. He laughed and stated that he did all the above, so to speak. “I dance for a ballet company.” I smiled and thought to myself, Damn, a man