and underage drinking. Even if she didn’t follow the rules, she knew them. She knew them well enough to hold me accountable to them.
“I don’t want to live with anyone at the moment except you.” I blew out a long breath. Beating around the bush was getting me nowhere. “What if I had sex with someone just because I wanted to have sex?”
Lord help me. I never imagined those words coming out of my mouth directed at my eighteen-year-old daughter as if I needed permission to have sex. She sure didn’t ask me for permission before she had it.
“Then I’d say you’re going to Hell.” Bella smirked.
It nearly brought me to tears because I felt this shift between us. Yes, she was and would always be my little girl. But in that moment, she became my friend, a young woman who I could confide in to at least a small degree.
“I hope not because that would mean you’re going too.”
“So …” She rolled her lips between her teeth. “Are you having sex with someone?” The transparency of her expression sent waves of guilt through me. She wanted the answer to be no.
“You look pained, Bella. Is it because the idea of me having sex makes you cringe? Or is it the idea of me having sex with someone who’s not your dad?”
“Both. Brian is Jaime’s uncle. And Mike helps coach the football team. So when people find out, it’s just going to be a little weird because we go to church and you’re not married. I know it’s not like you’re having an affair—” Her eyes widened. “Oh my gosh! Please tell me it’s Brian or Mike. Please don’t tell me you’re having sex with a married man.”
I flinched. “No! Of course not.”
She blew out a long sigh. “Okay. Just promise me that if you go public with this, you give me a heads-up so I can figure out what to tell my friends. And can you just tell me now, is it Brian or Mike?”
It’s Kael. And he makes me feel twenty again. And he’s also the Devil for running Smith’s out of business.
I didn’t tell the kids I was closing up shop after the holidays. Dealing with the anniversary of Craig’s death while trying to muster holiday cheer seemed like enough to think about without the doom and gloom of the family business closing.
“It’s not—”
Bella held up her finger as she brought her phone to her ear. “Hey, Erin … yeah. I’m planning on it. Cool. Seriously? That’s totally sweet. Meet you there around six.” She ended the call.
“Holiday Fest?”
Bella nodded. “What Did You Expect? is doing face paintings for ten dollars, and all the money goes to Toys for Tots. That’s so cool, huh?”
I nodded. “Very cool.”
“I might do it. Kael’s one of the people doing the painting. It’s for a good cause, and I can think of worse things than having him look into my eyes while being just inches from my face.” She waggled her eyebrows. It was so not her. It was her dad. Craig waggled his eyebrows all the time.
“Please don’t forget you’re a senior in high school.”
“So.” She put her plate in the dishwasher. “I won’t be much longer. And let’s be honest. Guys my age are stupid and immature.”
“Maybe.” I stood behind her waiting to put my plate and coffee mug in the dishwasher too. “But thirty isn’t just a little older.”
Such a hypocrite. We were the same difference in age from Kael’s thirty.
“Besides, I thought you said he’s interested in Amber.”
She turned, shuffling a few steps to the side to fill a glass with water. “She said they’ve messed around, but it’s not serious.”
My breakfast knocked at the door to my throat, begging to be expelled from my stomach as it roiled thinking about Amber and Kael “messing around.” Whatever that meant.
The tiny upside, and it was minuscule compared to Amber and Kael, was Bella forgetting that she wanted to know who I was having, or thinking of having, sex with. But I felt certain it would only be temporary.
Chapter Twenty
He made me feel stupid. He dismissed me. I gave him too much of myself, including my dignity.
* * *
Epperly’s biggest annual event was Holiday Fest. Everyone gathered in the square to shop, eat, listen to live music, ice skate in the rink they constructed just for December every year, and if there was snow on the ground, there was a snowman contest judged by the local business owners. Possibly