“And when Bella goes to college, we’ll sell the house and spilt everything fifty-fifty. I won’t ask for a dime from his business, even though I helped keep it going all these years. He can keep his investments. I don’t want any of it.”
“Well, it’s an outdated food specialty store with nothing special, Elsie. You can do better. But he made some really smart investments when you first got married. I wouldn’t let that go so easily, especially since some of that money was inheritance from your grandparents. You have half a degree. Go finish it. I agree. Let Craig keep the soft cheddar cheese, rolls of turkey sausage, and tins of caramel corn. Sorry, but it’s all outdated—even for Epperly’s low standards.”
“Right?” I rolled onto my side, burying my nose in Craig’s pillow.
What happened to pheromones? I was crazy for his scent when we met. Clean, sweaty … it didn’t matter. My nose always went straight to his neck. I stole his sweatshirts just to wear his scent.
My nose scrunched as I rolled the other way onto my pillow. What happened? I was no longer attracted to anything about him. It wasn’t that I hated him … even if I hated some of the things he did or said. The passion was gone. The attraction died too.
“Amie, he didn’t see it coming. Not even a tiny glimpse or subtle vibe. The look on his face was that of complete shock. Like … how could he not sense it?”
“Because you married him. You took the for-better-or-for-worse vows. You’ve been together forever. You have four kids. It’s called insurance. You’re more relaxed when you know you have insurance on something. It doesn’t guarantee nothing will go wrong, but you’re covered. You know? Or really more like a contract. The reason you get married is so it’s not so easy to just walk away. Right?”
“No. I got married because I was raised to think you needed to get married or you’d go to Hell.”
“And you wanted all the women who used to chase your husband to back off.”
I rubbed my hand over my face. “True. Where did those days go? The days of being insanely jealous. The days of wanting to jump him the moment he walked into the house. I used to wrap my arm around him and slide my hand into his back pocket when we were in public just so other women would know he was mine. Now …” My heart constricted.
I wanted to still feel that way about him. It just wasn’t something I felt anymore, no matter how hard I tried. And I couldn’t fake it.
“Now you secretly hope other women notice him. You secretly hope he notices them. You’ve been secretly hoping—”
“He’d end it first.” I finished her sentence.
“Being faithful isn’t a flaw.”
Grunting a laugh, I stared at the ceiling fan slowly turning. Craig was always excessively warm, so I had to live in a house with the thermostat set at sixty-five degrees year-round and the bedroom ceiling fan always on.
Not that night.
I climbed out of bed and shut it off.
“I know being faithful is not a flaw, but it would have been so much easier if we would have fallen out of love together the way we fell in love together. Selfish? Yes. But it’s my truth.”
“Falling out of love is not a flaw either, Elsie. So don’t beat yourself up over your feelings that you can’t control.”
Turning on the bathroom light, I put my phone on speaker and set it on the vanity while I shed my clothes and slipped on a nightshirt. “I’ll beat myself up because I don’t have control over my guilt either. After all, it is a feeling. And it’s just how incredibly petty it sounds when I list all the things about him that drive me crazy. Like … not a single one by itself would warrant a divorce, but all of them put together are just too much.”
“You’re preaching to the choir. Travis had a million little things that drove me crazy. Squeezing the toothpaste in the middle. Using my kitchen towel to clean messes on the floor then putting it back on the counter as if I wanted to use a dirty towel to dry my clean dishes. But let’s be honest … it was the trunk that pushed me over the edge.”
“The socks?” I tore off a piece of floss.
“YES! Gah … it was ridiculous. Fine, I get it. You