Not Just Friends (Hot in the City #3) - T. Gephart Page 0,96
can’t leave. There’s only one place for me to be, and that’s with you.”
My head shook, wanting to believe the words he was saying but knowing different. A breath hitched in my throat making it difficult for the words to come out right. “I should’ve never been with him. I should’ve left him sooner. I should’ve filed a police report when he pulled that gun on me. What the hell was I thinking? I knew he was volatile . . . and I let it go. Glad he was gone, thinking he’d only done it to me. I didn’t even think . . .that he’d do something like that to someone else. I was so caught up in myself . . . that I let it go. I could have done more. If I hadn’t been so focused on Diablo . . . and everything else. I’d have seen exactly who he was. And I could’ve stopped it.” The words came out in between sobs, my ability to keep it together falling apart at the seams.
It was too late to stop, tears streaming down my cheeks as my body shook. I hadn’t wanted this, for him—or anyone—to see the mess I’d become. To witness how someone who’d had it all together could unravel so fast and so far. It was just another thing to be disappointed in myself, my inability to keep my shit together and deal like I’d always done before.
He pressed his lips to my forehead, kissing me as he softly rocked us. “Those are lies, Presley. A voice inside your head that has created this alternate reality where you are blaming yourself for shit you couldn’t have known. You’re smart, Pres, but last time I checked, you weren’t fucking psychic.” A small chuckle vibrated against my temple.
“But if I . . . I don’t know . . .something,” I choked out words, unconvinced.
One thing different.
That would have changed the outcome entirely.
He had to be cold, dripping wet and naked in the cooling bathroom while I was covered in both the towels. But he didn’t shiver, not even the slightest wobble of his chin as he rubbed circles on my back.
“No, Presley. You can’t play that game. You’re going to end up in a circle of what ifs that will rob any happiness you have. He was clearly fucked up, and when I think about him being with you, it makes me want to break shit. Not because I’m jealous you had a past, but because that sick fuck didn’t deserve you. And that wasn’t or isn’t your fault. The same way North couldn’t control the assholes who were his parents, or the chief, his ex-wife. Do you blame Mack for Melinda being insane and propositioning every guy in your bar?” he asked, all the words missing the sharp edges I thought I deserved.
I swear all those holy pictures his mother had on the wall had a new contender, because Leighton had the patience of a saint.
Not only was he not angry, but he wasn’t even bitter, which was crazy since he was paying for the sins of someone else. When our relationship had started, I’d promised sex with no drama. Too bad I’d just towed a boat load of fucking drama right to his port.
“Presley, do you blame North or Mack?” he asked again, the question having gone unanswered the first time.
“Of course, I don’t. Riley didn’t get to choose who his parents were, he was completely innocent. And Mack, well, Melinda charmed him, let’s be honest. She was just really good at hiding that train wreck. It wasn’t his fault he fell in love with her and then chose to believe she wasn’t all bad.”
His head dipped, meeting my eyes. “Do you hear yourself? What you just said about Mack? Why does he catch a break and you don’t? Why would you treat yourself with any less compassion than you would the chief?”
I was ready to argue, to tell him how it wasn’t even close to the same thing, but I stopped. Was it the same thing? If it had been someone else, in my exact situation, would I have blamed them?
It’s not the same, my subconscious argued, but I couldn’t land on why.
“I’m confused.” I shook my head, the thoughts feeling like they were taking up too much space in my brain. “I honestly don’t know anymore.”
“Let me help you, Presley. Let your family and friends help you,” Jared begged, his arms squeezing me tight.