No Turning Back (Breaking the Rules #4) - A.M. Madden Page 0,97
kissed me sweetly and said, “I love you too… and want the same.”
Ryder and I ended up having a nice quiet Thanksgiving with video calls to his parents and to our friends. We then spent the evening wrapped in each other’s arms, watching a movie while lost in our own thoughts.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ryder
December
Since Riana got home from the hospital, she had been recuperating nicely. With every day that went by, she seemed stronger and more like herself.
At her first postpartum exam two weeks after giving birth, Dr. White had been pleased with her progress. If all continued to go well, Riana could introduce running again and light yoga after her next appointment in a few weeks. She couldn’t wait, anxious to return to her normal… less being a pescatarian. It seemed my girl enjoyed her meat too much.
As for myself, I thanked God every day for her being okay. Although Riana faced my worst fears, she survived it and so had I. While physically she was on the mend, emotionally I worried about her.
We had a counselor coming to the house once a week. Apparently, her emotional distress had to do with hormones and postpartum. I got that. It was the underlying layer of sadness that stemmed from what she’d admitted in the hospital that killed me. She never brought it up again. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder how much having a child had been on her mind, and how much it contributed to her mood.
The entire situation tore a piece of my heart out little by little. I hated myself. Now knowing she wanted kids, how could I deny her that? On the other hand, how would I survive anything nearly as terrifying as the complications she’d had during delivery. Fuck, I’d never known fear like that. It was all too much to digest… so much so, I called my brother and asked him one question—did he want another child?
It was something I never had the nerve to ask, and in all fairness, he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to consider it.
His response was quick and short. Absolutely.
My silence prompted him to explain that it took finding Hope to remind him he may have experienced a horrific loss, but his desire for a family didn’t die with them.
Our conversation left me stunned, and I had a lot to think about.
And that was all that I’d been doing these past few weeks… thinking. It was when life veered off track when things were put into perspective. Sure, after an uncomplicated pregnancy, Riana should’ve had a normal delivery. After I took a leap of faith and quit my successful job, I should’ve slid right into a successful business.
Should’ve… should’ve… should’ve.
Fuck should’ve.
But Riana was fine, and for that I was so grateful. And even though my career was in shambles, I was so grateful for cutting ties with a man who I now knew had a black soul.
The thinking led to a few epiphanies.
First and foremost, I decided life was just too short—too short to stress, too short to second-guess. It would be one of the hardest things I’d ever done, but I decided to stop fighting for my life in a business I wasn’t sure I liked anymore.
I had plenty saved up, and if I sold the Miami condo, I’d have some leeway to take a much-needed break, enjoy Ree, and decide what I wanted to do next. Maybe I’d take a page out of Bryce’s book and mentor kids, start a tutoring business to get them academically on track before they were thrown into situations where they were forced to chase their own tails. The possibilities were endless, and with Ree by my side, it didn’t matter what I ended up doing as long as I came home to her every night.
Second, and more important… I would make Riana my wife and then the mother of my children.
It was Monday morning, and while Riana slept peacefully beside me, I slipped out of bed and closed the door. After taking Kayla for a quick walk, I fed her breakfast, prepped my first of many coffees, and slid into my office to get some work done.
There wasn’t much to do. The rumor situation had dried up any new prospects. Really, my time was spent keeping our existing clients that I had while Wes took over traveling to scout out young athletes.
It was Wes I worried about. He’d put his faith in me, and I’d failed him. Because of my reputation