Night Study (Soulfinders #2) - Maria V. Snyder Page 0,54
She punctuated die with a powerful thrust of her branch. The logs shifted, rolling to the back. Her anger spent, she sat on the floor, crossing her legs.
“And the Commander agrees with you. His soldiers are warned of the consequences of abusing their power, and Timmer will be executed, either by your hand or another’s. Yet that won’t untie the knots inside you. You need to determine what you’re afraid of and confront it.” I lifted my cup. “I know. Easier said than done, and if I had my magic and your permission, we may have been able to untangle you this morning.”
She stared at the flames. They flickered as if agitated.
Memories of my efforts to expel my fear rose to the surface of my thoughts. Terror and pain no longer tainted these memories. Instead I drew strength from them, and Onora needed to know I shared a similar experience. I told her about the torture and rape I’d endured. “Reyad blamed me for the abuse. If only I’d listened better or tried harder, then I wouldn’t suffer. He led me to believe that I was no longer a person, but an empty shell to be used. I slit his throat, not to stop him from hurting me, but to keep him from abusing my sisters in the orphanage. I knew murder would land me in the Commander’s dungeon, awaiting execution, and I welcomed it.”
“How did you get past all that?” Onora asked in a low tone.
“With the realization that I was in control of my life and body. Me. Not him. That I was no longer a victim and should stop acting like one. I also had help from my friends. And I drew strength from Valek’s love. I still do.”
“I don’t have—”
“Yes, you have friends. Janco may be annoying, but he’d drop everything in a heartbeat to help you. You have me and Gerik—who I suspect cares for you more than he lets on. And the fact Valek hasn’t killed you yet is an encouraging sign.”
She laughed. “To quote Janco, ‘I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.’” Then she sobered. “What am I to do about Timmer?”
“The fire festival is six months away, so you have time to decide. In the meantime, I suggest you visit the captain.” Before she could reply, I said, “And I think going to talk to the young women who Timmer abused after you left is a good idea, as well. Valek has their names. Make sure you get them before we leave.”
Onora gave me a mulish look, but she said, “Yes, sir.”
“Good. I want a report about your progress when I see you again.”
“I heard you’re leaving for Sitia. Does that mean you decided not to become the Commander’s Sitian Adviser?”
Interesting. Valek hadn’t trusted Onora with my real destination. I wondered who else knew besides Ari and Janco. “Yes. That shouldn’t be a surprise.”
“It isn’t.”
We shared a smile. Then I asked, “Have you noticed a change in him since we’ve arrived?”
“Yes. He’s harsher and no longer wishes to hear advice from me or his advisers. And before you ask, the Commander hasn’t confided to me about what Owen is planning.”
“Would you tell us if you knew?” I asked.
“Not if the Commander ordered me to keep quiet.”
“Fair enough. How about if you knew Owen was using magic on him? Would you tell us then?”
“If you can prove that is the case, then I would, to save the Commander.”
“Good to know. Too bad all I know is that Owen is growing those Harman saplings in the guest suite. But I have no idea why.”
“How do you know this?”
I explained about the kitchen staff. “They’re rarely wrong.”
“Would getting a branch of one of those plants help you?”
“Yes, but Valek says it’s too dangerous. They probably surrounded them with a magical barrier that would alert them if someone crosses it.”
“Do you think they’d relax once you are gone?” Onora asked.
“No. Don’t try it. It’s too dangerous. I’ll ask my father about it.”
But Onora’s contemplative expression failed to dissipate. She thanked me for the tea and my time. The guards at the main entrance weren’t pleased that she’d bypassed their security, but she ignored them.
* * *
Valek entered the suite close to noon. He carried a stack of uniforms. When I asked about his meeting with the Commander, he said, “The more I interact with him, the greater my certainty that he’s being influenced.”