bruised heart wouldn’t let him love her the way he did if his feelings weren’t absolutely true.
With the new job looming, the idea of becoming someone else after being a Garrity for almost twenty years was too much to process. Nina pulled away, and Simon took notice.
“I’m sorry, honey,” he said. “I shouldn’t have gone there. This is a lot for you.”
Nina looked at him appreciatively.
“If you don’t want to do this, if you want to back out of the job, it’s fine. We’ll be fine. We have plenty of money. I can take care of us both. Promise.”
Nina looked at him askance. “What happened to ‘you’ve got this’ … you’ve ‘never had more faith in anybody’?”
“No, no, of course I have faith in you, absolutely. But it’s going to be a lot of pressure, a difficult adjustment for everyone. It will be overwhelming, I’m sure. I’m just saying if you want to back out, it’s fine. You can. I can take care of us, Nina. All of us.”
Of course he was referring to the children. A part of her welcomed the news, felt relief even, and a thought, rapid and jarring as a flash mob, caused her to consider his offer. She could call The Davis Family Center in the morning, make a hundred apologies, and then walk away, be home for Maggie, for Connor. But a second later another voice rose up, this one reminding her what had happened last time she’d put her financial future in the hands of a man. This one told her she was taking the job for herself, for her family.
“Simon—I’m…”
The thoughts that had come to Nina, so crisp and clear, got stuck when she tried to voice them. Simon kissed her on the cheek.
“Forget I said anything,” he said. “You’ll be amazing. They’re lucky to have you.”
CHAPTER 15
Monday’s hot lunch was a chicken patty sandwich, buttered carrots cut into coin-size shapes, and an apple. Ben Odell, my lunch buddy and technically my only friend, heaped on the mayo and ate his sandwich while flipping through the pages of the calculus textbook he was reading for fun.
The cafeteria was bustling with the usual chaos and noise, but it wasn’t distracting enough to keep my attention from wandering over to Laura and Justin’s table, where the happy couple sat laughing and talking with a group of my former friends. I tried to imagine the pain I felt in my heart was indigestion from the cheese quesadilla Mom had made for my lunch, but I knew better. I didn’t miss them exactly, because I knew what they were all about, but rejection, even from people who totally stink, can still hurt.
There were plenty of other things for me to obsess over—my Spanish test for one, and there was an English paper I had to write on The Pearl, which had turned out to be a pretty good book. Instead, I focused on Simon, who made Justin and Laura seem like the nicest people on the planet.
“It just doesn’t make sense,” I said to Ben. “Why on earth would Simon skip his big annual field trip to Strawbery Banke to take us all to Niagara Falls? And why leave Connor out of it? We could travel later, after football’s over. Those falls aren’t going anywhere.”
I had thought about it for days, and couldn’t come up with a single reason, which led me to one conclusion: he had lied. There was no trip. Never had been one. I don’t know why he would have made it all up, but I’m sure he had a reason. What I didn’t have was proof, and I told this to Ben, who shared my belief and concern.
It was strange to admit, but I felt like I’d known Ben forever. A few weeks ago, we’d hardly said hello passing each other in the hall. Now we looked for each other between classes. He was different from the other kids. He loved school, and math especially, and he said odd things at odd times. The old me would have rolled my eyes at him, called him a geek or whatever, but the new me found freedom in being friends with him.
I didn’t have to be a certain way with Ben, or say certain things, or dress like this person or that person. He didn’t care how I looked or even if I cried in front of him, which I did when I saw all my FFs (former friends) at our Old Home Day