Never Tell (Detective D.D. Warren #10) - Lisa Gardner Page 0,140

Route 1 to another windy rural road, then another and another. She is humming slightly, her fingers tapping the wheel.

We’ve spent some time together these past few weeks, first at the hospital, then being debriefed by the police, then just … because. The day I was discharged from the hospital, she and D.D. seemed to have already worked out a plan: a month-to-month rental of a cute little home in Waltham. Maybe not the best location ultimately, given my job, but then again, I haven’t been to work in months and, with the baby coming and no family of my own to say do this, stay there, think about that, the rental was as good a start as any.

Who knew there’d come a time when I’d miss my mother’s overbearing ways?

I had lunch with the school principal and my friend Cathy Maxwell last week. It was awkward, as I expected. And yet … They were both so kind. We’re so sorry we didn’t know. What can we do? How can we help?

I feel like I’ve spent my life putting up walls, hiding behind my preconceptions while judging people for their own. I’m too shy to have real friends. And who would like some awkward woman most notorious for having shot her own father?

I told them the truth at lunch. About all of it. My dad. Conrad. The men I loved. The people I lost. The mother who died for me even though I’d gone most of my life feeling as though she didn’t even like me.

They cried. They got up, gave me hugs. They asked about what I wanted to do with my future and of course I needed to think about my baby, but bear in mind I’m a gifted teacher and the students love me and they both hoped I’d come back to work, even if it wasn’t until the fall.

I cried. I hugged them back. We scheduled a time to get together again, and it occurred to me, this could be my life. This could’ve always been my life. I just have to reach out. I have to keep some doors open.

Especially after losing so much.

Now, Flora. She’s been working on me for weeks. I need to meet her mother. Her mother needs to meet me. We will love each other.

My first instinct, of course, was to decline. I don’t want to be a bother, I’ve already taken up so much of Flora’s time … So of course I forced myself to say yes. I’m not trying to replace my mother, I remind myself firmly. Because to picture her at all, her last determined rush into the flames, taking Mr. Delaney with her …

I still can’t think about it. On my bad days, I’m angry. The whole thing was her fault anyway. The selfish, narcissistic witch, plotting Katarina Ivanova’s murder in a fit of envy, then letting me carry the burden of my father’s death for the sake of his legacy. Myself, even my baby, were merely stage pieces in the theater that was her life. She dashed into those flames, I tell myself, because that was the dramatic thing to do, and she always loved a good drama.

My mother died. The police recovered her and Mr. Delaney’s bodies at the foot of the stairs. Still tangled together. Completely and totally burnt to a crisp.

My mother died.

My mother told me to run. My mother charged Mr. Delaney and plunged them both into the inferno.

My mother died.

I just can’t process it.

I’m rich. This is a different thought for me, too. A good one, because God knows I and my baby need the money. I’ve been working on finding a lawyer. Not a criminal defense attorney this time. Right after the fire, I didn’t know what would happen: Mr. Delaney had confessed to me that he’d killed Conrad, not to mention my father, but then he’d also gone and died, which made it my word against whatever the police believed to be the case.

Sergeant Warren told me not to worry. Delaney might have arranged to burn down his own town house, but not before removing his computer, valuables, and personal papers. The detectives found a treasure trove of information in his office. Including a confession he’d written years ago, then locked in his personal safe. Maybe an attempt to purge his sins, sleep better at night? I don’t know.

Apparently, the computer experts would be tearing apart his hard drive for months to come, and with my help figuring out