Keep at it. Be relentless. She needs you to be that for her.
Ok. Gotta go. I hear her coming. ttyl
Ethan put down his phone as Mia walked through the doorway, her iPad in her hands. She closed the door and then climbed back into bed.
“Uh, you left to get your iPad?” he asked.
“Yep, and I had to go to the bathroom too, plus I also checked on Pierce and Rory who are sleeping quite nicely. Yay!” she exclaimed, raising her arms in the air, cheering. He cheered with her, causing her to laugh.
He loved that laugh of hers.
“I’m sorry I didn’t want to discuss this earlier. It’s like my brain has some automatic response when it comes to talking about difficult things. I know I need to talk to you—I want to talk—it’s just hard. So, we can talk now,” she said, getting serious, “but I also want you to read this because my brain is so scattered lately. I forget to brush my teeth so often that I know I’ll leave something out.”
“Okay …” he said unsure of what she wanted. He watched her turn on her iPad. He was greeted with a picture of them and the boys after he had won the UFL Championship in March. “I love that picture.”
“Me too,” she smiled and his eyes teared up at her smile. It had been such a rare sight lately. Just like her laughter.
“I’ve been … uh … feeling off lately. Not myself. A lot of it was because I was trying to smother the thoughts that were coming at me—like how much like my mom I was and that scared me. I don’t want to be anything like her.” With those words, Ethan saw the haunted look cover her face before she carried on. “And the more I thought about it, the more I retreated and the less I was there. I didn’t even realize it—not until Luke said something to me about how I’d been acting. I’ve been fighting, warring with myself, and it’s done nothing for me. All it’s done is beaten me down. When you walked away from me earlier, that scared me so much because those moments before you let go, I had felt like me … and I missed me.”
She was silent for a short moment then she threw a leg over his middle and straddled him, her dark eyes meeting his light ones. “I knew if I let you walk away I would lose myself—and you. I need you, Ethan. Your love. Your support. I need you to help me make sense of this because I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I miss feeling your love.”
Ethan felt the same way and when her eager lips found his again, he didn’t stop her. He pulled her closer even though he needed to know what she was fighting, but he also needed to let her know he was there for her.
“Mia, I’ve missed you too,” he said against her lips and those pretty lips spread into the most beautiful smile he’d ever laid eyes on. “What do you need, Mia?”
“You.”
Though that made him happy, it wasn’t the answer he wanted and she knew it. With a long sigh, she spoke. “I need my music … I need to not be like my mom … I need you and the boys … and I need me back.”
Her eyes dropped from his as if she expected something bad to happen and didn’t want to witness it.
“You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“I rambled forever and I don’t even know what all I said.”
“I’m glad you rambled. I want to know these things, Mia. I want you happy. I don’t ever want you sad. I need to think on this for you, okay? But I will help you, suga.”
She nodded her head, her eyes still downcast. He lifted her chin and waited for her eyes to meet his. “We’ll figure this out. Do you believe me?”
“I do,” she said quietly, which was followed by a yawn.
“Tired?” he asked, smoothing his thumb along her jawline.
“Yeah.”
“Come on,” he said, opening his arm to her. She crawled off his lap and snuggled up against him, her head on his stomach.
“Ethan?” she spoke, lifting her head to look at him.
“Hmm?”
“My iPad. My journal is on it. Read it.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah … just in case I didn’t say it all …”
“Okay,” he said, putting her head back on his lap. “Sleep,” he ordered,