Never Gonna Happen - Cynthia Eden Page 0,27
have to take you over and over again, and, I know that every time I have you, I’ll only want you more.”
She couldn’t breathe. Alyssa was also pretty sure that she’d imagined his words. Instinctively, she shook her head.
His hand fell away. “Right.” He backed up a step. “Forgot. I’m in this shit alone. You never felt the same way. Should have kept my mouth shut.” A rough laugh. “Chalk it up to some oversharing madness. Don’t worry, I know how to keep my hands to myself. Just—you asked for the truth, so I gave it to you.” His gaze scorched her. “Or maybe I was just tired of holding back with you.” His jaw locked. “I can keep you safe and stay away from—”
“How do you know I never felt the same way?” Her heartbeat was so loud. Surely, he heard it.
Sebastian shook his head. “You don’t.”
“So you’re telling me how I feel?”
He winced. “Your brother told me that most days, you hate my guts. On good days, you tolerate me. On bad days—”
“Even on bad days, I fantasize about having sex with you.”
His jaw dropped.
“No!” Alyssa slapped a hand over her mouth.
“Say it again.”
She was not saying anything again. She side-stepped around him. Hurried to get out of the kitchen.
“Because I fantasize about you all of the time, Alyssa. You’re in my head. Have been since the day we met, and I can’t get you out.”
She stopped. Her legs felt absolutely rooted to the spot. His words rushed through her. They pretty much splintered everything that Alyssa had thought that she’d known but…
She glanced over her shoulder at him. “You’re a spy.”
“Yes.”
She sucked in a deep breath. “That means you’ve been lying to me for years.”
Did she want a denial? She didn’t get one. He simply stared back at her.
“Right.” She squared her shoulders. “You lied to me before. You could be lying to me now. How am I supposed to trust anything that you say to me?”
“You think I’m lying about wanting you?”
“I…” God, she was so confused! And scared. And a thousand other things.
“Ask me to kiss you,” Sebastian said.
“What?” She whirled to fully face him.
“Ask me to kiss you. Then I’ll kiss you, and you’ll know exactly how I feel.” His hands clenched at his sides.
“This is an insane conversation. Everything that is happening is insane!” She needed some space. She’d go upstairs and have a meltdown in peace, thank you very much. Once more, she spun away.
And once more…
“I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you, and that is not a lie.”
Her hand rose and pressed to her heart. For some reason, it ached. “Liar.” Barely a whisper. So she said it again. Louder. Harder. “Liar.”
He didn’t make a sound behind her, but she could feel him closing in. “That’s not a lie.”
Don’t look back at him. “I’m not some super genius like my brother. Not like my parents,” Alyssa spoke the words flatly. “Or even like you.” She’d been the one who didn’t fit in her super over-achieving family. The wild one who ran barefoot whenever she had a chance and colored on all the walls because she’d wanted to make things look pretty. Not gifted with a sky-high IQ like Antony and her scientist parents. So different from them. When she’d been a kid, that knowledge had hurt. No, it had devastated her. She’d always felt lost. Or, worse, like she didn’t belong.
“Alyssa—”
“But I’m not a fool. And you know what? I have one very good memory.” Certain words in particular had haunted her. Her voice roughened as she added, “‘I swear that I will never, ever put my hands on your sister.’ Such a fun birthday gift to me. You…announcing your plans.”
Behind her, he cursed. Low, savage, and very inventively.
“I’m going upstairs. I need to be alone for a while.” Her spine was so straight and stiff that it hurt as she marched forward.
“You forgot the last part.”
She hadn’t forgotten anything.
“Or maybe,” he added softly. “You just walked away before you could hear the rest.”
She shouldn’t stop.
Why had she stopped?
“Antony said I was wrong for you. He didn’t want me—or my hands—anywhere near you. Protective older brother in full effect.”
Her brother was protective of her. He also had a tendency to butt in where he didn’t belong when it came to her personal life.
“So I told him that I’d keep my hands off…”
Right. An agreement so quickly and easily given. A humiliation that still haunted—
“Unless you asked for my