Never Give Up - Heidi Lis Page 0,53

we all are at this point.

She stops talking as I take a few strides to sit next to her. Any other day this would be a normal thing for us, amazing how one day can change it all.

Tapping my knee with her finger, a slight smile formed amidst her tears. “I can see it in you, too. When you first saw him, it’s as if a light had come back into your life. I may hate it, but I can’t deny what is in front of me either. I will never have him—he was never truly mine.”

My eyes are glistening, her pain and slight jealousy is easy for me to pick up on. I’m at a complete loss with what I should say.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper letting my tears fall, to be honest, I wasn’t expecting this conversation to go so calmly.

She’s rubbing tops of her jeans looking uncomfortable. “Why, are you sorry? Because the love of your life came back? You have no reason to be sorry. I can’t hate you, or even him. Jesus, you two are soulmates destined to be with one another. Hell if I can understand it.”

Standing up, she walks next to the window and pauses a minute before she slaps the wall, clearly frustrated. Is it possible for us to maintain a friendship?

“How are we going to do this, Liza?” I ask because this has to be the most bizarre situation ever. “We live together; we work together. How can I be with him and not hurt you?” I’ve asked myself this question, again and again.

My eyes plead with her as she leans her back against the wall. Her eyes furrow in my direction. Letting out an extended sigh, she says, “You won’t. I’ve made peace with this screwed up situation. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt like a bitch, but I honestly don’t want a guy who is so hung up on another girl.”

She has a great point and one I still am having a hard time believing myself. All these years, I never knew his real feelings. The only problem is I have so much to tell him, but first I need to convince myself he is with me for good, that he won’t leave me again.

“Liza,” I say needing my friend more than ever. “I’m a bit lost here. My life is crashing down around me. I’m not sure how to handle it or him. How do I let him in after all of this time?” I’m confused, scared and out of mind for even asking her this question, but she’s my only real friend, outside of Nick.

Moving from the wall, she walks kneeling in front of me. She’s nervous but lays her head in my lap. She's being the friend I desperately need right now. I’m selfish for even asking, but I need her.

“Easy,” she admits. “You let him in. Come to terms with the past five years, and move on. Why sit and stew on the past, it’s over, can’t change it.” Pulling back, she searches my face. “Work on the now, you’ve got a second chance with him. Take it and run. Hell, most of us never find what you have with him. You had it once, lost it, but now you have it back.” Her smile is genuine and this has to be hard for her to admit.

“I still love him,” I let my guard down, telling her the truth.

“Honey,” she pauses. “It’s obvious you do. If it were anyone else, I would put up a fight for him. Since it’s you, it makes it easier. Just do not tell me anything sexual, that would just be cruel.”

We both laugh, cry and hug.

My arms are around her, patting her back. “Okay, no sharing sex stories. Good idea.”

Both of us are wiping our eyes, trying to figure out why we’re laughing, and crying instead of yelling and screaming at one another. Liza keeps joking, it’s her way of dealing with the hurt that is so evident in her eyes. I laugh with her because if I’m honest…I’m relieved as hell I still have my friend. She makes a few comments about us both living together, working together, and the guy she has been sleeping with is now my new guy who was my old guy. WAIT… WHAT?

We both sit, deciding we’re going to take it one day at a time. Figure it out as we go.

“We just move on, try not to dwell on it.