tears began to well up again. I choked them back and continued, “You know since I lost our baby?”
I hurt him with my question, it was easy to see in his eyes but I needed to know. If I lost him too I have no idea what I will do. I sat there terrified to hear his answer. Trying to figure out why the hell I even asked. I wish I had kept my mouth shut. A tear rolled down his cheek and he replied, “Macy, why would you even ask that? I’m hurting just as bad as you are. I may not show it like you do but trust me it’s tearing me up. Of course I still want to marry you. I love you more than anything in this world.”
“I’m sorry, I just needed to know.” I reached over and grabbed his hand and held it. I honestly don’t know what I would do if he left. I cried silently while he held me until I eventually fell asleep. As much as it hurt to have his hand resting where our baby once was, I needed him to hold me and not let go. I really wanted to wake and find this to be a nightmare but I knew it wasn’t.
Chapter 15
It had been two weeks since we lost our baby. My days and nights had been spent doing not much but crying. I knew it was taking a toll on Trevor and I didn’t mean for it to but I just didn’t know how to handle it. Gary was worried about me. He texted me every day asking how I was doing despite everything. I only answered with one or two word answers. Those worked so he wouldn’t show up at the apartment. Halley tried to get me to go to The Lounge with her but I turned her down every time. She would stay home with me and we’d watch movies and gorge ourselves on junk food. She even bought me some boudin one night which I gladly inhaled. I always made sure I let people know that was one of my favorite things about being from the south. I had a bottle of whiskey in the kitchen and I just stayed home and drank. There was no need to be around people. Trevor still went and played with the band and most of the time would come home to me. Some nights he didn’t come over, much less text or call. I knew it was a result of me shutting him out these past two weeks. I understood he needed his space too. This was something I never would wish upon anyone to go through. I was tired of crying and tired of feeling sorry for myself.
Our wedding was two weeks away. We still discussed our wedding plans whenever I would see or talk to him but not as much as we did before. It was just one of those things we knew was still going to happen. It was the one thing I had to look forward to in my life that would not fall apart. In two weeks I would walk down the aisle to become his wife and everything would be just fine. We could live our lives in love and happiness and move on from this heartache we were dealt with.
I’d been lying in bed all day; I looked over to see it was 4:30 in the afternoon. Another wasted day. Not that I cared, it was nice just laying here and having to do nothing. I also happened to realize there had been no word from Trevor in a day and a half. I let out a groan and started to throw the covers back over my head. I was beginning to get aggravated. He could come over anytime he wanted. He knew that. Hell he practically lived here before we lost our baby.
There was a knock at my door, before I could yell come in the door opened. Halley stood there with concern on her face. I offered a small smile and said, “Hey Hales.”
She smiled and walked in placing herself beside me on the bed. “Please get out of the house tonight Mace. I know you’re hurting. I’m hurting for you, but you can’t sit in here all the time. The band is playing tonight. Come with me to The Lounge. I know Gary would love to see you. Trevor too. He keeps asking about you.”