Never Always Sometimes - Adi Alsaid Page 0,84

pretty much made his life hell for a few weeks. Her mom didn’t

give a damn but Marroney did. Julia tried to stifle the sob that she felt coming on, but was powerless against it. The last few days, she had

felt completely abandoned. Dave felt like he’d just disappeared from

her life, and as for her mom, Julia wasn’t even sure she had ever been

there. But now, looking at Marroney, who seemed not frightened or

uncomfortable with her breakdown, but concerned, Julia realized that

if she was alone, it was her own damn fault. She’d closed herself off

from everyone but Dave, and this was what she got for it.

Sinking into the pillows around her, Julia let loose. She covered her

face with her palm, tasting tears, struggling to breathe normally. “Song for Zula” by Phosphorescent was playing through the earphone she

still had in. It was a fitting song; it made her heaving gasps for breath feel justified.

She could have reached out to her dads, or maybe even to Brett,

or to the dozen other people who’d surprised her in quiet ways since

the Nevers began. Apparently, she could even have reached out to

Marroney, who was maybe a perfectly cliché math teacher, but had

heart enough to ask her if she was okay. Her mom would probably

282 NEVER ALWAYS SOMETIMES

make fun of him like Julia had, but her mom was kind of an asshole,

and Julia was done wanting to be like her.

By the time the song played out, Julia had regained some control. She

looked up at Marroney, who did not look frightened or uncomfortable.

“No,” she said finally, chuckling to keep something else from taking

over again. “I’m not okay. I guess I wasn’t hiding it too well.”

“I only started worrying when you stopped joking around.” He

shifted his weight, putting a foot up against the wall and struggling

not to lose his balance. “And just now, I guess.”

“Maybe I just ran out of material,” she said.

“If that ever happened, I’d really be worried about you.”

“I will take that as a compliment.” Julia removed her second

earphone and wrapped the cord carefully around her phone, slipping

it in her bag and knowing that it would be a knotted mess when she

pulled it back out. “You really want to know?”

“Please.”

Julia wiped her cheeks dry. “You remember the only guy at the

Broken Bean who was more embarrassed than you were by my

performance?”

“Dave. Your friend.”

“Yeah, my friend.” She sighed and brought her knees up to her

chest, hugging them close for comfort. “The gist of it is, I’m in love

with him and it’s not going to work out.”

Marroney nodded, looking down at his lap. He ran his forefinger

and thumb over his mustache. “It’s always hard to tell whether you

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kids are bored or in love. I guess it’s about fifty-fifty, but I can’t ever tell.

I figure that most of the time I’m over-romanticizing, since I was your

age when I met my fiancée.”

Julia felt a flush of embarrassment that she hadn’t even paused to

consider Marroney’s personal life when she did all those things to

“seduce” him. “I hope she didn’t see the cupcakes.”

“Oh, worse than that, she was at the coffee shop.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He seemed to consider this for a second and then shook

his head. “It’s not okay. But, you know. Don’t worry about it. Tell me

more about Dave.”

Julia rested her head back against the wall. “Typical high school

drama. Love unrequited, other women, sex on the beach.” She felt

herself blushing immediately. “Sorry.”

Marroney chuckled through his own blushing. “I’ve gotten good at

taking what you say with a grain of salt, so we’ll pretend that was just a joke. Let’s stick to the emotions and leave out physical descriptions.”

“I don’t know what to say. The emotions are not good.”

Julia looked over Marroney’s shoulder at the always-blue sky, slightly

tinged this morning by a few streaks of dark fog clouds coming in from

the bay. She rested her cheek on the top of her knees. Julia hadn’t ever felt nauseated by sadness before. “I don’t know how you can be best

friends with someone for so long, be in love with each other, and have

things fall apart so quickly.”

Marroney nodded. He leaned back against the counter, his legs

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stretched out in front of him, a large coffee stain on his pants. A quiet moment passed, and Julia thought that maybe he had nothing else

to say. She closed her eyes and thought of Dave in homeroom, not

listening to music the way they always did, thought of their literal

lack of connection, the days it had been since the white cord of her

earphones had stretched