Never Always Sometimes - Adi Alsaid Page 0,75

enough to know that. Part of me

wants to rub it in your face, how much you hurt me. But the other part of me loves you enough to want to say this: It is not total y, completely, unequivocal y your fault. Your heart is an asshole for choosing someone else. But I know that’s not a choice that’s yours to make.

Most days, most moments, I’m angry at you. But right now? This

second? I hope you are happy. Even if it’s with her. I real y do.

Someone in the TV show was yelling. A sliver of sunlight broke

through the blinds and landed across Julia, right where her tank top

had bunched up to expose the skin of her lower back. Dave tried to

stop rereading the e-mail but couldn’t help himself. He’d take a look

around the room, try to follow what was going on in the show, watch

Julia. Then his thumb would slide across the screen of his phone again

and he’d reread Gretchen’s words.

He fell asleep cuddled close to Julia, and when he woke up the room

DAVE & JULIA 253

was no longer as warm, the day slept away. Julia was putting her shoes

on, back in her school clothes. “The dads want me home for dinner,”

she said. “Sorry I’m boring and fell asleep for so long.”

“Me too. I mean, I’m sorry I’m boring and fell asleep, too. Not that

you’re boring. I don’t think sleeping with you is boring.”

Julia kneeled by the side of the bed, running her hand over Dave’s

head. “I’m gonna let you keep rambling on until your foot is completely

in your mouth.”

“I’m done now.”

“Tease.” She leaned over and kissed him. “I like this. Spending time

with you this way.”

“Me too,” Dave said, and he reached for her hand, rubbing his

thumb over her knuckles, thinking about Gretchen’s e-mail, knowing

he’d reread it again as soon as Julia was gone.

Later that night, Dave was wide awake, having napped too long to be

tired. A text came in from Julia, who was in the same predicament.

I bet if we were still in the same bed we could fall asleep, she wrote .

After a certain act or two.

You mean eating sandwiches, right?

Yup.

Dave played the next episode in the political drama, which he’d

gotten hooked on after Julia left, despite not actually following most

of what was going on. Which would you say is the sexiest sandwich?

Grilled cheese, probably.

254 NEVER ALWAYS SOMETIMES

Pfft, Dave wrote. Gril ed cheese is a sandwich you settle down with, a sandwich that you would want raising your kids. I’m talking the kind of sandwich you want to stay up all night eating. The kind of sandwich you wouldn’t introduce to your dads but would tell all your friends about.

The three dots that meant Julia was typing stayed on for a while.

He’d chosen her. That’s what he kept thinking. That he’d chosen her.

That was kind of hot.

What? The sandwich?

You, you goof.

Dave typed out a few responses, but none of them felt right. He

put the phone down and turned his attention back to the TV, waiting

for something else to come to mind. Almost fifteen minutes later, his

phone buzzed again.

doing anything?

For some reason, the lack of capitalization, the fact that she’d sent

only two words, it made him wonder if she was upset, if he’d said

something wrong. It was ridiculous to think so, and Dave shook

his head at the thought that he’d become the kind of person who

overanalyzed the grammar in a text message for subtext. But ever since

the beach, he’d been having trouble reading her, as if being physically

close to her had muddled up how well he knew her. In bed with her,

he’d found himself struggling to come up with things to say, settling

instead on making her laugh some other way. Not real y. TV. Thinking about sandwiches in ways I’ve never thought before.

Another five minutes passed before he added, You?

DAVE & JULIA 255

Trying to think of a way to convince you to be in an open relationship so I can keep seeing Marroney on the side.

Jerk.

Monogamist, she responded, attaching a picture of herself stick-

ing out her tongue. The lights were on in her room, her hair down,

wearing a different tank top than before. Once, receiving a picture

like this would be bittersweet, the joy of her face, the sadness of be-

ing without it.

Dave turned over onto his stomach. There was a crick in his

shoulder from sleeping in awkward positions just to hold Julia close.

He put his cell phone on the second pillow and closed his eyes, trying

to force himself into tiredness. Then he caught a whiff of honey on