was no hope for a suitable planet around the Neighbor Star. Wouldn't they have been prepared, therefore, simply to put Rotor into a suitable orbit around the star?'
'Even if they survived the flight, and even if they went into orbit around the star, it would be a sterile life, and there might be no possibility of continuing it for long in any form compatible with civilization. Crile, you've got to steel yourself. What if we manage to organize the expedition to the Neighbor Star and find nothing at all, or at most, the empty hulk of what is left of Rotor?'
Fisher said, 'In that case, that would be that. But surely there must be a chance that they survived.'
'And that you'll find your child? Dear Crile, is it safe to build your hopes on that? Even if Rotor survived and your child survived, she was only one year old when you left her and that was in '22. If she appeared before you right now as she now is, she'd be ten years old, and if we went out to the Neighbor Star at the earliest practical moment, she would be fifteen. She wouldn't know you. For that matter you wouldn't know her.'
'Ten years old, or fifteen, or fifty. If I saw her, Tessa, I would know her,' said Fisher.
Chapter 19. Remaining
40
Marlene smiled hesitantly at Siever Genarr. She had grown used to invading his office at will.
'Am I interrupting you at a busy time, Uncle Siever?'
'No, dear, this is not really a busy job. It was devised so that Pitt could get rid of me, and I took it and kept it so that I could be rid of Pitt. It's not something I would admit to everyone, but I'm compelled to tell you the truth since you always spot the lie.'
'Does that frighten you, Uncle Siever? It frightened Commissioner Pitt, and it would have frightened Aurinel - if I had ever let him see what I could do.'
'It doesn't frighten me, Marlene, because I've given up, you see. I've just made up my mind that I'm made of glass as far as you're concerned. Actually, it's restful. Lying is hard work when you stop to think about it. If people were really lazy, they'd never lie.'
Marlene smiled again. 'Is that why you like me? Because I make it possible for you to be lazy?'
'Can't you tell?'
'No. I can tell you like me, but I can't tell why you like me. The way you hold yourself shows you like me, but the reason is hidden inside your mind and all I can get about that are vague feelings sometimes. I can't quite reach in there.' She thought for a while. 'Sometimes I wish I could.'
'Be glad you can't. Minds are dirty, dank, uncomfortable places.'
'Why do you say that, Uncle Siever?'
'Experience. I don't have your natural ability, but I've been around people for much longer than you have. Do you like the inside of your own mind, Marlene?'
'Do you like everything you think? Everything you imagine? Every impulse you have? Be honest, now. Even though I can't read you, be honest.'
'Well, sometimes I think silly things, or mean things. Sometimes I get angry and think of doing things I wouldn't really do. But not often, really.'
'Not often? Don't forget that you're used to your own mind. You hardly sense it. It's like the clothes you wear. You don't feel the touch of them because you're so used to their being there. Your hair curls down the back of your neck, but you don't notice. If someone else's hair touched the back of your neck, it would itch and be unbearable. Someone else's mind might think thoughts no worse than yours, but they would be someone else's thoughts and you wouldn't like them. For instance, you might not like my liking you - if you knew why I liked you. It is much better and more peaceful to accept my liking you as something that exists, and not scour my mind for reasons.'
And inevitably, Marlene said, 'Why? What are the reasons?'
'Well, I like you because once I was you.'
'What do you mean?'
'I don't mean I was a young lady with beautiful eyes and the gift of perception. I mean that I was young and thought I was plain and that everyone disliked me for being plain. And I knew I was intelligent, and I couldn't understand why everyone didn't like me for being intelligent.