All she had to do now was find a party willing to negotiate their release.
Chapter 32
Night had fallen in a soft whisper, but Talin hardly noticed. She sat at the small breakfast table on the second floor of the lair, her mind still spinning with the realization she'd had mere hours ago. She wanted to deny it but it rang with the clarity of absolute truth, a truth she had to understand. Yes, her fear of watching Clay turn from her in disgust had been at the root of her actions, but that fear had been tangled up with so many other threads.
She had been on the cusp of womanhood when she'd run from Clay with that most brutal of lies - young, confused, lost. Now that she was willing to see, it was stark that in her confusion, she had mixed up the protective fury of Clay's love with the jealous rage she'd seen in Orrin. That twelve-year-old girl who had missed Clay so desperately had also been terrified that he would destroy her trust if she let him back into her life. The memories of Clay protecting her, keeping her safe, laughing with her, had been the only treasures she'd had left.
Even that wasn't the whole story. It was too simple, and she was through with hiding. The unforgiving reality was that in spite of her youth, she must have subconsciously known that he wouldn't be an easy man to love. No, Clay was hard through and through. But he had loved her enough to put everything on the line - his sanity, his freedom, his pride. All so important to a dominant predatory changeling. She didn't know what he felt for her now, but she knew it was time to hold up her end of the bargain. To love him enough. Enough to not let fear stop her, whatever guise it took.
A slight noise cut into her thoughts as Clay pulled himself up to the second level. "Damn, I just got a sharp reminder from Tammy about a pack thing. You've got fifteen minutes to get ready or we'll be late. It's close to six already."
"I can't," Talin said, gesturing at the papers spread out on the table, papers she'd barely looked at since coming home. Guilt stabbed. "I have to see if I missed anyth - "
"I told you," Clay interrupted. "We're taking care of that. We've got people out there right now. I've tapped a Psy connection who might get us something very useful. But this dance, tonight, is important to the pack."
"I'm not part of DarkRiver." And she needed time to consider her next step. She didn't know how to be in a relationship, didn't know how to open herself up that much. "I'll be a stranger."
"No, you won't. You'll be with me." He stroked his fisted hand along her ponytail. "Please, Tally."
Her heart clenched. He called her Tally, but he didn't trust her with his soul, the leopard's wariness hidden behind a near-impenetrable shield - yet she knew. Did he think she didn't? Silly, arrogant leopard. She knew him too well, loved him too much, to not see. "You said 'please,'" she teased, fighting past the painful insight that no matter what happened, he might never again love her as he once had.
"Very funny."
"I want to. But I'd feel so guilty having fun while - "
"A few hours, that's all. It'll help you get your head back on straight."
She had to agree with that. Her focus was shot, which reminded her - "Did you get an update on Max?"
"He's fine, conscious. I had a packmate swing by and do a physical check."
Some of the weight crushing her lightened. "Tell me, why the dance?"
"It's to celebrate the formal blessing of a mating."
"Like a wedding?"
"Mating is nothing like marriage. It's forever. Mated pairs never choose to leave each other," he said. "Complete loyalty till death."
Her soul ached at the thought of the beauty, and the terror, in such a commitment. "Why the blessing if it's already decided?"
"To show the pack's acceptance, welcome Zach's mate into DarkRiver." His eyes grew intent, penetrating. "You okay, Tally?"
He knew her far too well, too, but she couldn't let him sense this hurt, didn't want her new knowledge - of the love she might've lost forever - to come between them. "I'm fine. Just a little tired."
His expression gentled. "I need to be there, baby. I'm a sentinel."
"Your presence matters to them," she said, so proud of what he'd become. "I understand. Let me freshen up."
Once in the bedroom, she quickly washed her face and hands, then pulled on the newest and nicest shirt she had packed. It was white and long-sleeved, the severe lines broken up by slender panels of fine lace down both sides. She left on the jeans she was wearing, but let down and brushed her hair. Then, on a whim, she dug around in her bag until she found a little zippered pocket. She thought she'd forgotten to take out something from there the last time she'd - Her hand touched metal.
"Bingo!" She lifted out the faux-silver earrings. A Celtic design, they would swing gently from her ears, dressing up her simple outfit. Her smile dimmed as she stood in front of the mirror slipping them into her ears.
Jon had given her these a few months ago. They were cheap - he'd found them at some flea market - but they meant everything, because he had bought the gift with honest, hard-earned money. "I haven't forgotten you," she promised with fierce dedication. "We haven't forgotten you." Because finally, after much too long, she had realized her leopard would stand by her through every darkness.
Clay was leaning against a tree at the edge of the Pack Circle, watching Nico swing Talin around, when he felt a familiar presence. Sascha came to stand beside him, keeping a small distance between them. Though most changelings craved touch, she knew he wasn't one for casual contact.
"She looks like she's having fun."