Talin didn't drop her guard, though the abandoned child in her melted at the small sign of acceptance from Clay's new family. "Do you? You don't think I'm not good enough for him?"
"Hmm, well, now, maybe you're not."
It wasn't what Talin had wanted to hear, though she knew it to be the truth.
"But," the healer continued, "Sascha wasn't particularly good for Lucas when they started out, either. There were some damn heated discussions about him falling for a Psy."
Talin kept getting thrown by these leopards. "Really?"
A nod. "In the end, it doesn't make a difference what anyone else thinks. DarkRiver men make up their own minds." The healer's expression grew pensive. "But that doesn't mean I won't poke my nose into it. You should know that - we're crazy protective of our own."
The back door swung open with a bang and one of the teenagers stuck his head inside. "Juice?" His tone was plaintive.
Tamsyn waved a finger as she went to the cooler. "Your debts are adding up, Cory."
"You totally fleeced us on the cookies - Julian and Roman are like demons on crack. Do they ever stop?"
Talin was taken aback by the boy's smile - a bright slash of unvarnished affection. The teenagers she knew never smiled with such absolute and utter trust.
Walking over, Tamsyn put a jug of something cold and almost colorless in his hand, reaching out to muss up his hair at the same time. "You were exactly the same."
"Aw, come on, Tammy. Don't tell baby stories about me in front of a pretty girl."
Talin was about to turn around and look for that girl when she realized he was looking at her. The cocky charm on his face made not smiling impossible. Just like with Jon. Her smile dulled.
"She's way too old for you." Clay's voice was relaxed as he came to stand beside her. "Go play with girls your own age."
Cory took the glasses Tamsyn was holding out. "Hah! I told Kit you were hot for her!" A gleeful look on his face, he backed out the door and jogged to the others.
Feeling her face flush at the boy's estimation of Clay's feelings, she didn't know what to say or where to look. As long as he'd thought of her as a...a slut, she forced herself to think, it had been easy to not examine her own reactions too deeply. Why torment herself with things she couldn't have?
But after the devastating honesty of those minutes in the car, she'd started to wonder if maybe there was hope. He'd been direct in expressing his desire to kiss her, but this confusing need aside, what did she want? She felt no fear when she lay with a man. Worse, there was an absence of emotion. But with Clay...so many feelings, chaos inside her mind, her heart.
Would she feel if he touched her? What if she didn't? Her mind chilled. No way in hell she was letting the ugly isolation of sex taint their new relationship. If they slept together and it made her go to the cold place inside herself, she wouldn't be able to bear it. And Clay would know. It would wound him. She couldn't do that to him.
No, Clay had to remain her friend. Nonsexual. Safe. Forever.
"Hey." His hand touched her lower back, making her jump.
Turning quickly, she faced him. "We should show Tamsyn the autopsy reports while the kids are outside and we can talk without interruption."
Those forest-in-shadow eyes sharpened. "That's what I just said."
"Oh."
"What's going on in that head of yours? Your scent's not right."
It disconcerted her to be in the presence of people who could taste her sweat, her fear, her absolute terror at the thought of messing up this relationship. "It's not right anyway, remember?" If nothing else, she thought with bitter humor, the insidious disease eating away at her mind was good as an excuse.
Frown lines marred his forehead. "This is different."
"The reports."
"I already gave them to her." He nodded at the huge kitchen table behind her.
She turned to find Tamsyn leafing through the pages. Nate stood close by, gripping the back of her chair. "Tammy's not seeing anything obvious," he said, looking up, "but it might help if Talin went over the reports with her."
"Sure. At least I'll be able to split the injuries up into new and old." It would rip her to pieces but she needed to do this - for Jon, perhaps for other lost children they didn't yet know about.