It wasn't Lara's determination that had her fighting his dominance to say what she did next, but the deepest instincts of her healer's heart. "She hurt you."
A tendon pulled taut on his jaw. "She made the most logical choice when the entire family was slated for rehabilitation." Walker would never forget the day, the minute, he was served the edict and told he had three days to put his affairs, and those of the minors under his care, in order; three days to prepare his daughter and the boy he considered a son to undergo a psychic brainwipe that would turn them into vegetables suitable only for the most menial tasks.
"According to the rehabilitation order, the Lauren line had been judged ‘unstable' and ‘undesirable.' " Kristine's suicide had been listed as one of the pieces of evidence, but Judd and Walker had always known that to be nothing but a convenient excuse. "Yelene's name wasn't on the notice."
He'd gone home to discuss the situation with her, to lay out the plans he and Judd had put in place, both of them having seen the writing on the wall when the extent of Sienna's powers became clear. Add in Judd's telekinetic strength and Walker's telepathy, as well as Marlee's and Toby's nascent abilities, and the Lauren family had become a threat that needed to be neutralized.
"She was packing her bags when I walked in." At first, he'd believed she was preparing for a defection attempt. To this day, he didn't know what had stopped him from sharing their plans—perhaps some part of him had always understood that though Yelene had carried Marlee in her womb, their child was only a collection of cells to her . . . a replaceable entity. "When she saw me, she said point-blank that she didn't intend for her genes to die out alongside mine."
Lara's pupils dilated, taking over those tawny irises. "I can't understand." Disbelieving bewilderment. "I never will. All I can do is . . ." She put her hand on the table, palm up.
A silent offer of surcease.
Walker had learned to touch since his defection, learned to hug, to give pats on the back or a squeeze on the shoulder. But he'd never touched a woman for no reason except that it would soothe something jagged in him to do so. Lara's fingers began to curl when he didn't move, her hand starting to slide away.
His fingers closed around her wrist before he was aware of moving his hand, his thumb on the fluttering beat of her pulse. Her skin was so soft, stirring fantasies of what it would be like to explore the skin of her breasts, her inner thighs. Softer still, he thought, she'd be softer still in those places.
"I'm not Yelene," she said, a quiet strength to her that had compelled him from the first. "I won't ever walk away from those who are mine."
No, that wasn't the way she was built. But—"Yelene has nothing to do with this."
"Liar." A whisper that put him on notice that she wasn't about to back off. "What she did hurt you on a level you won't accept, and that hurt continues to drive the decisions you make about women, about relationships."
"The old bonds," he said, holding that tawny gaze so she would know he told her the utter truth, "the love for the children, they survived Yelene, survived the defection. But the rest of me is damaged." In spite of his need for her, he wouldn't lie . . . even though he knew his words would push her into the arms of one of the other men drawn to the warm glow of her spirit.
His mind went cold with anger, but he wrenched it back, knowing he had no right to the emotion. "I was too long in Silence."
Lara shook her head, something in her expression he couldn't read, fine lines around her mouth, fanning out from the corners of her eyes. "You've formed new bonds of loyalty, of trust, with packmates. We're . . . friends."
"Yes." He rubbed his thumb over her pulse, wanted to touch his lips to the spot. Physical hunger wasn't the problem, but Lara wasn't a woman for whom that would ever be enough. She was a healer, built for family, for laughing children, and a mate who knew how to love with the same fierce depth of heart as she'd love him. "I don't appear to have the capacity to feel anything deeper." Maybe the scar tissue was too thick, or maybe a critical aspect of his emotional psyche had been broken beyond repair, but there was a wall inside him that nothing could penetrate.
Not even Lara.
RECOVERED FROM COMPUTER 2(A) TAGS: PERSONAL CORRESPONDENCE, FATHER, ACTION REQUIRED2
FROM: Alice <[email protected]>
TO: Dad <[email protected]>
DATE: April 10th, 1973 at 11:44pm
SUBJECT: re: hello
Dad,
I'm so excited! Perhaps I shouldn't be, but I may have found the most extraordinary correlation. It began when I was able to track down the descendants of a woman named Jena Akim, an X-Psy who lived in the sixteenth century and was part of a high-Gradient family. The information on her and her family is more legend than fact, but if true, it might be the answer.
What is crucial is that unlike most Xs, who are put into specialized training as soon as they begin to show their X tendencies, Jena was never separated from her family unit. That of course is the key and why this has been missed so far. Perhaps it might even be that it is hidden or less visible in weaker Gradient minds—but I can't draw any conclusions until I'm able to confirm if my theory is correct.
If so, it cannot be coincidence—my studies show that the rules of the psychic plane are multi-layered and textured, so complex that even the Psy don't have a handle on them, but, and this is critical, there are rules.
Love,
Alice
Chapter 20
SIENNA OPENED THE door the night after the kiss to find Hawke waiting, his hand braced on the doorjamb.