"I think you'd be going against your nature, but that's not a bad thing. It'll teach you to focus and channel the abilities you already have."
Tai's grin was young, cocky. "Yeah, I'm not too bad, huh? I got in a few shots with you and you're a lieutenant."
"True."
The smile faded and Tai took his hands out of his pockets. "Thanks for not ratting me out to anyone. About going clawed, I mean."
Judd remembered Lara's advice. He just listened.
"I got frustrated and lost it," Tai admitted. "I apologize."
"Fine." Judd jerked his head. "If you want to learn something, follow me."
Tai came to stand beside him. "What do I do?"
"Think. Stand in place in this position." He showed the position. "And think about what your body is capable of, what will push it to the limit, what won't. To use a tool effectively, you must first know its capabilities."
Tai took a deep breath. "My body as a tool? Okay, I get it. I think."
Oddly, teaching Tai discipline brought Judd's own darkness under almost total control. By the time Brenna found him a few hours later, as the trailing edges of the day faded into night, he was thinking relatively clearly.
"I'm sorry," she said after Tai left, pulling her thick coat tighter around her body. "I needed to be with you. Stupid after I acted so strong and unaffected by the attack. I should go - our being close will hurt you."
"Never be sorry for coming to me." Picking up his discarded jacket, he shrugged into it. "Do you want to go for a walk?"
She nodded, lower lip trembling for an instant before she got it under control. "I'm such a baby. I was fine as long as I was cleaning up, but as soon as I stopped, I got so angry. Almost as if I was picking up everyone else's anger, too."
He matched her smaller strides as they walked, choosing to focus on the lighter aspect of her comment - they'd discuss the other later. "You might be a baby, but you're mine. And I like babysitting."
Her laugh was surprised. "Very funny. Anyone else saying that would be dodging claws right now."
He thought back to D'Arn and Sing-Liu's interaction the day of the war games. Finally, he grasped what had seemed so puzzling then. But the similarity was only on the surface. He and Brenna were different in one crucial respect, a difference they had both gone to great lengths to avoid discussing - the lack of a mating bond between them.
He was a psychic being. He would have seen it had it been present in any form. That it wasn't, was a sign that though they might be drawn to each other, they weren't made to fit. He didn't give a damn. He was keeping her.
"What was Tai doing with you anyway?" she asked when he remained silent.
"Tai makes a good student. But when did I become a teacher?"
"You're a lieutenant, a big brother to the young ones."
"Ah." That made sense. "They trust me."
"Yes."
"I could damage them."
"But you won't."
Such faith for a renegade from the Net. "It's time."
She understood at once. "Here?" They were in a very small clearing between towering redwoods. "It's dark."
"It's as good a place as any. And there's no need for light where I'm going." He took a seat on a fallen log after brushing off the snow and Brenna sat beside him. "I might not respond if you call me. Don't panic."
"I won't." Her voice trembled. She took a deep breath. "I won't." Far stronger this time.
"You also have to be prepared for the possibility that this might not work, that we'll have to separate permanently."