"Why not?" she insisted. "There's a connection between us."
It was all he could do not to take what she was offering. His cock pounded with every beat of his heart, hard and painfully ready to take her, mark her. "Have you ever been with a man, Katya?"
"You know I haven't."
Yeah, he knew. Psy didn't believe in such intimate pleasures. "Then let me tell you something - we do this, it won't only be physical sensations you experience."
A steady look, but he felt the fine tremors that snaked over her body, they were pressed so close. "I'll feel more bonded to you."
"That's one way to put it." He couldn't let go, couldn't step back. "This afternoon, you learned to hate me a little."
She didn't answer.
"Tell me."
"Yes," she said, jaw setting. "Yes."
It felt like a fucking lance through the heart, for all that he'd known it already. "We do this, think about how badly it's going to hurt when I have to throw you into a cell."
She physically flinched. "I know things will change. I'm ready."
It would be so easy, so very easy to let her talk him into it. "Are you?" He spoke with his lips against hers. "Or are you just hoping I'll spare your life if we fuck?"
Her entire body went stiff at the deliberately crude statement. "Let me go."
He gripped her hip instead. "Hate me enough yet, or - "
"You've made your point!" She pushed at his chest with angry hands. "Now let me go!"
He heard the break in her voice, and it broke him, too. "God help me, but I can't." Crushing her to him, he held her tight.
She didn't stop fighting till he whispered, "Shh, I've got you."
A pause. "You said that to me before." Her arms slipped around him, her voice a trembling whisper. "You saved my life that night."
Unspoken were the words that it was a life he could no longer protect.
When they slid to the floor, he leaned back against the wall and held her as close as humanly possible. They sat that way for hours, until dawn streaked its way past the horizon.
Chapter 19
"The situation in Sri Lanka," Shoshanna said to Henry, "were you responsible?" They'd been a team for years, working to increase their combined power in the Council, but after the incident with Ashaya Aleine's prototype implants, he'd changed. She was certain he'd sustained brain damage when the implants malfunctioned, but instead of lessening him, whatever had happened had unleashed another part of his personality - one that could lead to their downfall.
"And if I was?" He sat across from her, eyes dark, without expression.
She checked her shields to ensure they were locked tight. Henry was a telepath, 9.5 on the Gradient. He could sweep through a mind with lightning speed. Satisfied she was still safe, she sat back in her own chair. "It wasn't you," she said slowly. "You're smart. You learn from your mistakes." He'd never confirmed it, but she knew he'd been behind the spate of public violence by Psy approximately two months ago, violence that had led to renewed support for Silence. "Given the way the PsyNet functions, violence will only spawn more violence. And you want Silence to hold."
"Not just hold, my dear," he said, the endearment meaningless. They'd both learned to use such little "humanisms" to make themselves more palatable to the human and changeling media.
"No?"
"No. I want it to consume the Net, until there isn't even a whisper of dissent."
Pure Silence was what Shoshanna wanted as well, but. . . "What about the Council?"
"Perfect Silence will eliminate the need for a Council." He met her gaze. "We'll all think with one mind."
"Impossible." For the first time, she wondered if Henry would go so far as to kill her to achieve his aims. "Without an implant that impels a merge, we're too individualistic to form a universal mind."