My Year of Saying No - Maxine Morrey Page 0,55

it’d be—’

‘Lottie.’

‘Hmm?’

He rubbed a hand across his jaw, shadowed from a day’s growth. ‘I’m normally much better at this.’

‘At what?’

‘Asking a woman out.’

‘Asking… I...’ I felt my eyes widen as I lifted my gaze to his. ‘Is that… umm… what you’re doing now?’

‘Very badly, apparently. But… yes. I’d really like to take you out and maybe have that romantic table for two used for its intended purpose.’ He shrugged a little self-consciously, his face half smile, half uncertainty.

A chill breeze had been blowing all day and, having thrown my hat in the car already, my hair was now at the mercy of the wind. I lifted a hand to push it back from my face, but Seb’s was already there, gently, tenderly moving it and tucking it behind my ear. The word ‘thanks’ was in my head, but I couldn’t get it to make to the journey to my mouth as my brain was too busy processing his words.

‘I…’ I began, suddenly realising that I had no idea where I was going with that sentence.

Seb straightened away from me, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed.

Come on, Lottie. This is a simple question! Seb Marshall, the man of some very X-rated dreams, has just asked you out. He does like you after all. This is what you wanted! It’s a simple answer. All you have to do is say yes! Yes, Seb, I’d absolutely love to!

‘No.’

Huh?

‘I’m really sorry, Seb. I can’t.’

He shook his head, a smile on his face as he briefly raised his palms. ‘No, not a problem. I… just thought…’ The words tailed off as he looked off into the distance, one hand running briefly back over the short dark hair.

Shit. What was I thinking? This was Seb. The man I’d had a crush on for ages. The man I most felt myself around. The man whose smile made my stomach flutter like no one else ever had – and I’d just turned him down.

‘It’s just that you’re a client and I don’t want to mess that up.’ I sighed. ‘I can’t afford to mess that up.’

He waved it away, the smile still there, but we both knew it wasn’t his usual, easy-going expression, however much he tried to cover it.

‘And now I’m worried it’s messed up anyway.’

‘Of course not,’ he said, airily. ‘You’re absolutely right. I just…’ he blew out a breath. ‘I’ve just had a really great time these last couple of weekends and I guess I got a bit carried away. I’m sorry. I should never have said anything.’ He lifted his hands and scrubbed them across his cropped hair, his eyes on the distance again momentarily before focusing back on me. ‘Are we still good or have I blown it?’

I shook my head. ‘We’re fine. It’s for the best. I think we both know that really.’

‘Yep.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Yeah. Absolutely. Probably best if we both forget I ever said anything,’ Seb replied, nodding, as I felt my stomach twist.

‘I’d better be going.’

‘Yeah. Drive carefully.’

‘I will.’ I gave a wary glance. ‘Do I still get a hug?’

‘Of course.’ He hugged me for a moment before standing back. ‘Message when you’re home.’

‘Will do,’ I said, sliding into the driver’s seat and pulling the seat belt across me. Seb smiled and pushed the door closed for me. Turning the key, I gave him a thumbs up at the novelty of a first-time start, turning it into a wave, which he returned with a brief movement of his hand.

In the rear view mirror, I saw Seb and Scooby walk back to the house and I let out the breath I’d been holding. I knew I’d done the right thing. So why did it feel so entirely wrong?

‘How’s it going?’ Jess asked.

‘What’s that?’

‘The denial that you’re in love with Seb?’

‘Oh pffft. I am not.’

‘So, it’s going well, then.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘Actually, it’s fine. I told you it was just a crush. And I’m over it.’

Mostly.

‘Is that so?’

‘Yes.’

‘Good. You won’t mind that I’ve invited him to our engagement party then?’

I snorted tea out of my nose.

‘You did what?’ I asked, mopping up with a tea towel as I glared at Jess on the screen. ‘Why? You don’t even know him!’

‘We kind of do. Harry was looking for a charity to do his next triathlon challenge for and I suggested Seb’s, so he contacted him and mentioned that they had a mutual acquaintance and got chatting. They really hit it off.’

I didn’t doubt this, but I also knew my friend of old and it appeared Jess had been doing some serious scheming.

‘You could have just asked me to bring him. He’d probably have said yes anyway.’

‘It wasn’t like that. It was more…’ Jess tailed off as she saw the look on my face. ‘OK, fine. But you’re doing this whole saying no thing and I really want to meet him!’

‘Ugh, Jess!’ I dropped my face into my hands.

‘What?’

‘You’re not helping things!’

‘I thought you just said you were doing OK with the whole crush thing.’

‘I am! But it’s far easier at a distance!’

Jess cocked her head. ‘There’s something else, isn’t there?’

I blew out a sigh. ‘He asked me out.’

‘What?’ Her eyes were wide. ‘When?’

‘The weekend I went to pick up my new car. As I was leaving.’

‘So what did you say?’

I cleared my throat. ‘I said no.’

‘Come again?’

‘I said no.’

‘Yeah, that’s what I thought you said, but that can’t possibly be right because this is the man that’s perfect for you. Looks hot, has manners and a great personality and apparently fancies the arse off of you, as I know you do with him!’

I dropped my head back momentarily. ‘I know. But it’s complicated.’

Jess pulled her head back. ‘No, it isn’t. You’re single, he’s single, you both like each other. It’s far from complicated. In fact, it’s entirely the opposite of complicated!’

‘Jess, please.’

‘You know this year of saying no thing doesn’t mean you have to say no to everything, especially not to hot men you’ve been lusting over for ages!’

‘It hasn’t been ages!’

‘It bloody has! Why on earth did you say no? You like him, Lottie. I know you do.’ Her voice was softer now, trying to understand. ‘I think he’d make you happy. He obviously cares about you.’

‘I know. And I care about him. But I have to be sensible, Jess. He’s my biggest client. If I started something with him and it went bad, there’s no way he’s going to keep his business with me and that could be really bad for my income. I just can’t afford to mix the two. Yes, I think he’s lovely and, yes, I do have a bit of a crush on him.’ I ignored Jess’ unladylike snort. ‘But I can get over that. In time. It’s for the best,’ I repeated, a phrase that seemed to have become a personal mantra since that day.

‘So how did he take it?’

‘OK, I think.’ I paused. ‘Yeah. Fine actually. He agreed it was for the best too. We’re great as friends and neither of us want to ruin that, so it’s all good.’

It’s definitely all good. Great, in fact. Absolutely perfect!

‘So how are things now?’

‘Good. Back to how they were before.’

‘Really?’

‘Yep. He’s been pretty busy with work and I think he was out on a date the other night, so it’s definitely not like I’ve broken his heart or anything.’ I gave a one shouldered shrug.

‘Right.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Nothing. I just said “right”.’

‘It’s the way you said it.’

Jess shrugged but offered no further explanation. ‘I can try and take back the invitation if that helps.’

I laughed, tension seeping out of me. ‘You can’t do that!’

‘It’s my party. My prerogative.’

I shook my head. ‘It’s fine.’

‘He might not come anyway,’ she added.

My phone dinged with a WhatsApp message. I reached for it. Seb and I were doing OK and had seemingly managed to move on from the hiccup. The fact he’d been on some dates certainly seemed to indicate that was the case. I knew I had no right to wonder about those dates, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help wish that I’d met him some other way than through work. Maybe Jess was right. Maybe he wouldn’t or couldn’t come. I opened my phone.

Hey. I just got an invite to an engagement party from Jess and Harry. He’s doing a charity challenge for us. You OK with me coming? I won’t if you’ll think it’s weird or makes you uncomfortable. (As I know you’re happy to say no, I feel able to ask this in complete confidence that you’ll answer me honestly