My Rebound (On My Own #2) - Carrie Ann Ryan Page 0,11
and making sure things ran smoothly—even at parties that weren’t mine. I had done it repeatedly last semester for Sanders and his roommates. I let my thoughts fade off after that and then cursed at myself.
It sucked that I didn’t have that anymore but was I upset because I didn’t have Sanders, or that I didn’t have that connection?
Maybe I could have that with Pacey. Not everything I had with Sanders, but at least a connection to the guys. No, that would be wrong. Just because Pacey offered himself up as a rebound didn’t mean I had to take him up on the offer.
Though I was pretty sure I had in a text last week.
And in the once since when he just asked how school was going. It had been nice. I had a friend.
And yet, I had no idea what would happen next. That should worry me. I always knew what was going to happen next. I had plans and checkboxes for all of that. Of course, I hadn’t known what would happen before, but I had been delusional when it came to Sanders.
There was something terribly wrong with me, and I didn’t want to think about it anymore.
“What is that face you’re making?” Natalie asked, tilting her head as she looked at me.
I blushed. “Nothing. Everything’s fine.”
“Well, that’s a lie,” Nessa countered.
I sighed. “No, it’s not.”
“You’re not fine. And you haven’t talked about what happened last month,” Natalie whispered.
I froze and looked around, noticing that Elise had gone still, as well.
Natalie closed her eyes and let out a tiny little curse. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean everything that happened last month. I’m so sorry.”
Elise waved it off and wiped at a tear. “No, Corinne is bound to come up often. After all, she lived with all of us for so long.” She winced. “Well, she was friends with all of us anyway.”
I smiled softly, ignoring the odd hurt that took root when it shouldn’t. I hadn’t been their roommate before. I needed to get my head out of my ass and focus on what I could fix, what I could feel without regret.
“You’re talking about Sanders,” I said, using my pain to change the conversation. I didn’t want the girls focusing on Corinne’s memory just then, not when I knew they were still hurting.
So, I did the best that I could.
“We can talk about him if you’d like,” Natalie said. “I know he was a huge part of your life.”
I shook my head, my stomach roiling. “And he’s not anymore. He can do whatever he wants, though I’m sure I’ll see him around campus. Thank God I don’t have any classes with him this semester.”
I had classes with his friends, though. Ones that snickered and tried to act as if they hadn’t known me for the past two years or even the eight years I’d spent with Paul. But I would just ignore Hunter Williams, III and the others. They annoyed me to no end. Always had. I didn’t need to spend time with them because I wasn’t with Sanders anymore. I guess there was a silver lining in things, after all.
“Mackenzie?”
I looked at Nessa and shook my head. “I’m fine. Or as fine as I can be. I can’t change what happened. I can only get angrier and more bitter, but I don’t want to become that person. So, I’m going to focus on what I can change. And that is my internship and the new program. Classes and everything that has to do with me and the choices I make, and nothing having to do with the guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.”
They all looked at me, and I thought I detected a little pity in their gazes. But there was righteous anger there, as well, so I would hold onto that. It was the least I could do.
“Well, we can be angry for you,” Nessa added, and I smiled.
“I’m sure if we felt like it, we could have easily put all of my mementos of the past fifteen to twenty years of my life into a trash bin and lit it on fire. But we saw that episode of Friends, didn’t we? Didn’t they have to call the fire department?” I teased.
“But there would be hot firemen and women,” Nessa put in.
“And they’d probably all be twenty years older than us,” I said dryly.
“Well, maybe your rebound needs to be an older guy,” Natalie put in. I did my