My Maddie (Hades Hangmen #8) - Tillie Cole Page 0,98
my chest lifted. A heavy weight I’d there seemed to disappear. Asher wiped his eyes, then he leaned into my hand on his back. “You’ll be a fucking good father, Flame.” I felt my heart beat faster and faster, pushing the flames harder and harder through my blood… it did not burn up… “I didn’t mean what I said. You’ll be really fucking good papa.” Ash’s face went red. I no longer felt his eyes on me. “You’ve been a fucking good dad to me, Flame. Since you took me from Poppa… you’ve…” He sniffed. “You’ve been more of a Poppa to me than he ever was.” I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t know what the fuck to say.
Ash spoke again. “I’m just fucked up.” Ash hit his head with the heel of his hand. “In here. I’m all fucked up.” A sob left his throat. Ash leaned to the side, and his head hit my chest. His arms wrapped around my waist. He fucking cried against my chest. I clenched my eyes shut. I almost pushed him off. But I saw Maddie on the riverbank. She nodded at me. Pushing past the lump in my throat, I put both my hands around him. “I’m sorry, Flame. I’m so fucking sorry.” I breathed through the heat of the flames. I kept my eyes on Maddie. I saw her bump, our baby… our baby.
I didn’t know how long Ash cried for. Eventually, he pulled back and wiped his cheeks. Maddie told me last night that Ash didn’t think I wanted him as a brother as much as I did Isaiah. She told me I should tell him he was wrong. “I want you as a brother,” I said. Asher looked right at me. I dropped my eyes to stare at the water, running my fingers through the stream. “I didn’t love Isaiah more. I want you as my brother too.”
Ash exhaled. “I’m glad you’re my brother too,” he said eventually. I nodded and climbed out of the river. My clothes were wet, but I didn’t fucking care. The weather was warm. The water wasn’t cold. I wouldn’t have cared if it was.
I walked up the riverbank. My legs were weak. But I breathed easier now. I could fucking breathe. Maddie came forward. She was wearing a purple dress. I could see her stomach under the material. The dress clung to her bump. I hadn’t noticed what she was wearing before. Her long black hair hung down her back. Her face was red from crying, so were her eyes. “Flame,” she called and came toward me. She held out her hand. I took hold of her outstretched hand and pulled her into my chest. Maddie made a sound that sounded like a sob. I quickly looked down. I didn’t understand what it meant, if she was hurting.
“It has been so long since you held me this way,” she said, “With your arms around me, holding me close.” I thought of her in the hospital, of her unconscious in the fire. I shut my eyes, trying to push those fucking images from my head. “Flame?” Maddie’s voice brought me back right now. She always brought me back. I opened my eyes and looked at my wife. She smiled, which knocked the fucking air right out of my lungs. “I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too.” My eyes lowered to stare at her bump. Our baby, our baby was in there. Like Isaiah, Maddie would want me to hold our baby, like I did with Isaiah. You did not hurt him, Maddie’s voice repeated in my head.
I did not hurt him. I did not hurt him.
“Asher.” Maddie let go of my waist and hugged Asher. He hugged her back. “I am so happy you came.”
“So am I,” Ash admitted, meeting my eyes.
I turned to see AK and Viking approach. “You okay brother?” AK asked. I nodded.
Viking smiled and rubbed his hands. “There he is. There he fucking is!” I still didn’t understand what Viking was saying—I often didn’t. Maddie took hold of my hand. “A motherfucking phoenix from the ashes,” Viking said, shaking his head. Viking looked at Rider’s mama. I didn’t know why she was here. I didn’t remember her being here on the journey. “See that Ruth! I can be all poetical and shit.”