My Maddie (Hades Hangmen #8) - Tillie Cole Page 0,26
should never have been mine to inhale.
And Zane… I knew he was fucked up too. Slash, me and Zane were best friends. He’d been there too that fucking day. And he’d been right beside me, firing bullets into the fuckers that killed our brother. I’d been so caught up in my fucking head that I hadn’t thought much of Zane. I knew he’d been fucking around in school. I wondered if he had the same anger I had. The same guilt that kept him awake at night. The fucking nightmares that haunted him whether he was awake or asleep.
I smoked the rest of my cigarette and flicked it to the ground when it was done. I rested my head back against the post and closed my eyes. Saffie didn’t say anything else. I wanted to ask her if she was really okay, but I had no right asking that of anyone else when I was fucking falling apart myself. I felt her body’s closeness, could smell her vanilla scent. Sweet—just like her. That was enough. I could protect her when she was beside me.
I concentrated on her body heat wrapping around me. It was like she was warmer or some shit than everyone else I’d ever met. She wasn’t even sitting right beside me and I felt her heat as much as I would the fire from an open furnace. I was cold. I was always fucking cold these days. She was the fucking sun. I couldn’t explain it more than that. My body just seemed to know she was there.
I sighed, holding my breath when I began to feel calmer. My eyes snapped open and I looked across to her. She’d been watching me. The minute our eyes met, her cheeks burst with redness and she ducked her head. My stomach tightened just looking at that blush… and there was no sign of my anger. I closed my eyes, keeping my face turned toward her and I breathed. I fucking breathed, not feeling like there was an iron cage around my lungs. I was tired. So tired. Like this, with Saffie beside me, I could sleep. I didn’t know why it was different around her, but I wasn’t going to question it. My head ached all the fucking time. Right now, it was as if I’d just taken ten Advil.
Suddenly, the sound of the school bell rang across the field to greet us. I rolled open my eyes and Saffie was on her feet, dusting off her jeans. Her legs. I’d never seen her in anything but a dress that covered her whole body. She was… she was fucking everything. I was eighteen. Saffie was a couple of years younger. And she was fucking beautiful. I’d thought it the first time I ever saw her. Thought it even more now. But she was pure. Innocent. She was good.
Wasn’t sure I had any good in me anymore.
Jumping to my feet, I nudged my head in the direction of the field. She walked toward the school like a death row prisoner would walk the fucking green mile. I wanted to pick her up and put her in my truck, take her the fuck home and question her sanity at why she would put herself through this when she clearly wasn’t ready. But this shit was her choice. I figured she’d had most of her choices taken from her in life by men. I wasn’t gonna add myself to that list. It was her right to do whatever she wanted even if I hated every damn minute of it.
So, I stayed right beside Saffie, keeping my fucking mouth shut. I concentrated in holding on to the feeling of calm she brought with her. Enjoyed the break from the rage that strangled me all day every day. We walked across the field in silence, but it wasn’t awkward. I knew she preferred silence over anything else. It was nice not having someone on my back for once, trying to make shit better. Nothing would make me better. I knew it. I’d accepted it.
I caught the stares of other students as I opened the door to the hallway and Saffie followed me inside. I felt the tension roll off her in waves, motherfucking tidal waves, when she saw the other students looking from her to me. Must have been wondering why the new girl was hanging out with the biker brat. I glared at any fucker that dared meet my eye.