On My Knees - J. Kenner Page 0,25
had. Jeremiah had actually started working on an assembly line and had moved the family to Inglewood.”
I nod, because I happen to know those are some of Damien’s earliest memories.
“But what I found really interesting was that Jeremiah told my mother that Carol wasn’t going to make it. And that when she passed away, he was going to be with her—my mother, I mean. Move me and her into the house he shared with Damien. And we were all going to be one big family.”
“Did you want that?”
His smile is so sad it almost breaks my heart. “I did. Because I saw how much my mother wanted it. And because I thought my father would want to be around me more if I was part of an actual family and didn’t feel so much like a side note.”
I reach out to hold his hand, the gesture seeming feeble against the weight of the pain I hear in his voice. And my heart is so tight that I’m afraid it’s going to break for the little boy he used to be. “Why didn’t it happen?” I whisper the question, somehow afraid that by speaking too loudly I’ll shatter the boy and the man.
“Because Damien turned out to be a goddamn tennis prodigy.”
The words seem to crack in the air like a bullwhip, and I can’t help but flinch from the force of them.
“But why—” I begin, then stop myself. I get it. Because Damien’s career took off. The golden boy. The young celebrity athlete. And even after Carol passed away, Jeremiah wasn’t about to risk that cash cow by tossing scandal into the ring. Another family. Another child.
And so instead he went the other direction. Told Jackson that if he breathed a word of the family secret, then Jackson and his mother would starve. And he justified his absences by his need to keep the meal ticket performing.
He drew upon and honed his skills as a con man, a player, and left his blue-collar days behind for good.
And in the end, both Jackson and Damien suffered.
The intercom buzzes, and Jackson goes to let the pizza guy up, pulling on a pair of sweatpants that he’s left as a permanent fixture in my apartment. I slip into a robe and follow him into the living room, feeling a little bit shell-shocked.
I want fresh air, and so I open the big, garage-style door to my patio.
Jackson joins me out there, and we sit on the oversized lounge chair and balance the pizza box on the smaller chair that is the only other place to sit out here.
“I’m so sorry,” I say as I grab a slice of pepperoni pizza. “I get why you hated him growing up. I really do. But don’t paint Damien with his father’s brush.”
“The day after he fired me probably isn’t the best time for you to make that case,” Jackson says, and I have to admit I see his point.
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Of course.”
I brush my fingers lightly over his bruises, leaving a streak of oil from the pizza. “Where did you go? You said you belong to a gym, but it was the middle of the night.”
“A fight club,” he says. “Bare knuckle. It’s gambling and it’s illegal, but it takes the edge off.”
My stomach twists. “Jackson.”
“Hey, I won the purse.”
I shoot him a scowl. “To the best of my knowledge, you’re not hurting for money. How’d you find the place, anyway?”
“A friend from my rough-and-tumble high school years. Name’s Sutter. He owns the gym I belong to. And as for the fights, well, he’s hooked in.”
“I don’t like it,” I say, voicing the understatement of the century. “I mean, it’s dangerous, right?”
“Compared to what? To boxing with gloves? Gloves add weight. More risk of head injuries.”
I put my pizza down. “Jesus, Jackson, why compare it to anything? It’s just dangerous.”
He says nothing, and I sigh. “Look, I’m not going to sit here and debate the right way for you to get the shit beat out of you. I just don’t want you to get the shit beat out of you at all.”
I shift on the lounger so that I’m looking at him straight on. “I meant what I said earlier. You want to pound something, then I think you should just pound yourself inside of me.”
His smile is slow and deliciously sexy. “All right.”
I blink, surprised by his quick acquiescence. “All right?”
“What? Didn’t you think I’d take you up on your kind offer? Did