‘I don’t suppose you, um …’ she started after a second, and then faltered.
‘What?’ He glanced at her warily.
‘Want to try again?’ She garbled it out. ‘For a child, I mean, you and me.’
Christ. Surely she wasn’t serious? There was no way. Joe groaned inside. What the hell was he supposed to say to that?
‘You wouldn’t have to stay with me if you didn’t want to,’ she added, as he agonised about how to answer without upsetting her further. ‘I’ve changed, obviously. I’m sure I could make you happy; try harder.’ She glanced at him hopefully.
Joe looked away.
‘You’re right, it’s a ludicrous idea.’ She laughed, but he could hear the hurt in her voice. ‘I thought I’d ask anyway, though, just in case … you know …’
‘Courtney …’ Joe struggled for something diplomatic to say. Telling her he simply didn’t love her, that he couldn’t envisage being with her any more than he could bringing a child into the world without being a hands-on father, would be too hurtful after all she’d just been through. ‘I’ve changed too,’ he opted for. ‘I’m …’
‘Seeing someone,’ she finished, a fatalistic edge to her tone.
He nodded. She knew he was.
‘The woman at the pub,’ she said reflectively. ‘Do you love her?’
‘Yes, I think I do,’ he replied honestly. He wished he’d told Sarah he did, that he hadn’t been such an unsympathetic idiot, jealous himself because he couldn’t seem to have a straightforward relationship without Steve stuck in the middle of it.
‘I should have a word with her, tell her you’re worth holding on to,’ Courtney said, with a hint of irony. ‘We should go. We’re taking up a car parking space. If you’re still on for lunch, that is? Don’t worry, I won’t try to take advantage and have my wicked way with you,’ she added jokingly as Joe wavered.
Wiping at her cheeks, she reached for her bag from the footwell. ‘Damn, no tissues,’ she cursed, delving into it.
Joe opened the glove box, extracting the wipes he kept in there and handing them to her.
‘Baby wipes?’ She glanced curiously from the packet to him.
‘For Sarah’s son. She keeps them there for emergencies,’ he explained awkwardly.
‘Ah.’ Courtney nodded. ‘The little boy you were playing football with. Do you love her enough to take him on, Joe? For the rest of his life, I mean. I don’t suppose it will be easy.’
‘I’m not imagining it will be, but yes, yes, I do.’ He wasn’t his biological father, but he’d grown to love Ollie too, he realised, if missing him every time he saw a family out with their kids was any indication. He’d been on a call-out yesterday, a domestic. There was a boy around Ollie’s age on the premises. Joe’s heart had ached for the kid, who’d been cowering in the kitchen, scared witless. It ached now at the thought of not seeing Ollie again.
‘Good,’ Courtney responded shortly. ‘We should go,’ she repeated.
Burying a sigh, Joe started the engine. Lunch wasn’t going to be easy either, he suspected, given the conversation they’d just had.
He’d driven a short way when his phone rang. His heart sank as Sarah’s name flashed up on his hands-free. He’d been waiting for her to call him back. He’d looked into Jacob Caldwell’s case and left her a message. He hadn’t come up with anything much, apart from the fact that the family were initially suspected of having something to do with his disappearance. That was fairly standard in such cases. The investigation had switched from missing person to possible death by accident when a small footprint had been found. The child had wandered out of the house, they’d concluded. Joe’s gut had turned over when he’d imagined him out on his own in the pitch black of the night. He must have been petrified. He’d wanted to talk it through with Sarah. Wanted very much for her to know that he was on her side; to tell her again how sorry he was. And now she was phoning while he was sitting right next to his ex-wife. Talk about bad timing.
‘I’ll call her back,’ he said, guessing that Courtney would have gathered who it was.
‘No, don’t mind me. She’ll only wonder if you don’t answer. At least tell her you’ll get back to her,’ she urged him.
Joe hesitated for a second; then, not wanting Sarah to wonder why he wasn’t answering when he wasn’t on duty, accepted the call. ‘Hi, Sarah,’ he