of her, wondering what might have been if they’d stayed together. He clearly did still care for her, possibly wanted more than the occasional date. But Sarah wasn’t sure she could give more. Not yet. She had a child and it complicated things. Ollie would be confused, imagining she’d moved a new man into his life to replace his father.
Steve hadn’t had any such qualms, though, had he? A fresh sense of dismay washed through her as she recalled the text he’d sent her telling her he was busy making plans for a future without her. Who was she, she wondered, this woman he’d fallen so quickly in love with? Sarah had no doubt she would be everything she herself wasn’t: slim, confident, beautiful, with perfectly behaved hair. Her hand went to her own hair, a mad crop of mousy curls that refused to be tamed no matter what she did.
Stop. She pulled herself up, determined not to go down that road. Her self-esteem was obviously flagging again.
Whoever this woman was, and however suddenly involved with her Steve was, surely he didn’t think she would just hand Ollie over to her care knowing nothing about her? A pang of guilt tugged at her conscience as she realised she should have mentioned that she’d become involved with Joe. The difference was, though, that she knew Joe; she’d practically grown up with him. She would trust him implicitly with her son. This woman had only recently come into Steve’s life. How much of her history did he actually know? And why the urgent need to introduce her to Ollie? She wouldn’t let him use their son, involve him in his life only when it suited him to make him look good. She huffed self-righteously, and then immediately felt bad. Steve would never do anything to hurt Ollie. If anyone was using someone, it was her.
Her eyes flicked to the ceiling. She could hear Joe moving around, obviously up and getting dressed. Sending Steve a quick message – We need to have a chat. Will call you – she glugged another glassful of water, attempting to dilute the wine she’d consumed last night, and then dashed up the stairs.
Meeting Joe coming out of her bedroom, his shoes in his hand and clearly making an effort not to wake Ollie, she couldn’t help but smile.
Seeing her, his mouth curved into a warm smile back. ‘Shh,’ he said, pressing a finger to his lips and nodding towards the room where her little boy slept.
She beckoned him away from Ollie’s door. ‘Thanks, Joe,’ she said.
‘No problem. I thought you wouldn’t want Ollie to know about us yet.’
Sarah dropped her gaze. ‘No,’ she mumbled, looking uncomfortably back at him. ‘Not yet.’
Joe’s smile faded. ‘I, er, take it you’re not desperate for a repeat performance then?’ he asked awkwardly.
Oh God, she’d hurt his feelings. ‘It’s not that, Joe. It’s just …’
‘Don’t beat yourself up, Sarah, I get it,’ he said as she fumbled for the right words. ‘Sex on the rebound is never a great idea. I, er, should probably go. Duty calls.’ Nodding past her to the stairs, he smiled again, a heartbreakingly sad smile this time.
‘It wasn’t on the rebound,’ she said quickly. ‘Joe, please don’t feel …’ Crushed, that was how he looked. ‘It’s not that I don’t want this … us.’
Joe glanced down to the hand she’d placed on his arm. ‘Are you sure about that, Sarah? You hit the wine pretty hard after receiving that text.’
She had. She’d promised herself she would only have one more, and it had turned into two, and then another once they’d got back. Joe obviously thought it was something to do with Steve. Hand on heart, Sarah couldn’t say that it wasn’t. She tried to rescue the situation. ‘I just need a little time to make sure Ollie’s okay with things. He’s had so many changes in his life recently. Can you be patient with me, do you think?’
Joe closed his eyes, looking relieved. ‘Of course I can. I do understand. I know you have Ollie to consider and I don’t want to push it. I wouldn’t dream of it. Look, I’ll call you, shall I? In a couple of days, maybe?’ His expression was hopeful.
Sarah thought about it. Her emotions were all over the place, but could it really hurt to see Joe discreetly? ‘Or I could call you?’ she suggested. ‘Tonight, possibly? There’s no harm in talking on the phone, is there?’