My Big Fat Low-Fat Wedding - By Katya Starkey Page 0,81

hates it when anyone but herself wins an argument. I’m not going to press my point home with her though. She gets the picture now, I’m sure. Besides, I’m happy to be spending time with my best friend away from her shop. Maybe now that her stupid robot isn’t around I can actually find a suitable dress for my wedding. I must be the only bride-to-be in existence who has put off settling on a bridal gown until the last minute. I’ve been so busy panicking about my weight that I haven’t actually sorted out the very problematic piece of material that I’m stressed about fitting into!

“Oh my god, Emily?” A woman’s voice snaps me out of dress-stress mode. Turning, I see a gorgeous blonde woman in the pew behind us. “It’s me, Veronica, from Ibiza.”

Oh shit. I’ve just instantly become the unluckiest person ever. I don’t know how it’s possible, but the one person in this world who thinks I’m a lesbian has just miraculously shown up in my life once again.

***

“Oh hiiiiiiiiiiiii, Veronica!” Lara practically screams at the woman. “Are you here with your fiancé, what was his name?”

“Hello, Lara!” Veronica sounds as enthusiastic as my weirdo best friend. I’m sure Lara is absolutely loving this. After all, it was my idea at the time to tell Veronica that I was indeed a complete and total lesbian.

We were holidaying in Ibiza, Lara and I, when we turned eighteen. That summer we had bunked with another girl, Veronica, and her fiancé. Why they were engaged to each other at such a young age I have no idea. Why they’d decided to go on holiday together in Ibiza had me further clueless. But there we were, Lara and I, rooming with two youngsters in love.

At one point the seemingly normal Veronica had become convinced that her fiancé was suddenly having an affair with either myself or Lara. The girl had broken down in tears and started acting like a lunatic. So I’d had the brilliant idea of telling the young Veronica that Lara and I were a lesbian couple. After that, Veronica had stopped harassing us completely and we were able to enjoy our holiday in peace. Well, if you call getting slammed at bars every night peaceful, but that’s the way of things at that age and in that area of the world.

What’s not the way of things, normally, is bumping into someone you met on holiday.

“Oh that’s my Craig, and yes we’re finally getting married. See!” Veronica extends her left hand over the pew bench. There’s a giant rock emblazoning her ring finger.

“Wow!” Lara exclaims loudly. “That is stunning!”

“Let’s see your rings then!” Veronica claps her hands together and stares at us both with insane eagerness in her eyes.

Oh my god. She thinks Lara and I are here together for our wedding. She thinks we’re engaged to be married to each other.

I glance at Lara, trying to keep my face from revealing panicked features. Lara, however, looks absolutely pleased with herself. “Go on, Em. Show her the stunner I got for you!”

So she wants to keep up the lesbian farce. Well I for one think we’re all old enough to come clean now and I’m certainly not going to pretend that the engagement ring Callum and I picked out together was bought by my fake lesbian girlfriend.

“Very funny, Lara. I think we should—”

“What’s funny?” Suddenly, the smile of glee is wiped off Veronica’s face. The woman looks as mad as she did all those years ago in Ibiza.

I’m having second thoughts now. What if my revealing of the non-lesbian truth leads this woman into a mental breakdown? What if she ends up dumping her fiancé all because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and carry on with a silly little lie? What if—

“Emily!” Lara bellows. “Show her the bloody ring!”

I jut my left hand out fast.

“Oh.” Veronica’s facial features calm as she stares at my ring. “That’s umm… different.”

“You bet your bollocks it is!” For fuck sake. Lara is milking the over the top lesbian persona thing. “I had it made special. It’s the jagged line readout of my beloved’s heartbeat as a sonogram.”

“A what?” Veronica looks confused and I can’t say I blame her.

It was my real fiancé’s idea to get matching rings with our heartbeat lines etched into the platinum metal. It really was a romantic gesture. The only problem is that it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense without the matching ring that my