My Big Fat Low-Fat Wedding - By Katya Starkey Page 0,51
Oh well, I figure I lost the plot long ago when I took my first steps into this bathroom today. Not being able to step on the scales has done my head in and I’m going to have to take special measures to knock some sense into my mind. “See how angular my jaw line looks?” Again, I’m speaking to my own reflection. I drag a finger along my chin. “No more double chin disaster area for me!”
Closing my eyes I count to three out loud.
“One.” I back away slowly.
“Two.” I lift my right foot and place it onto the cold glass surface of the bathroom scales.
“Three!” I step onto said scales and…
And nothing. I don’t dare open my eyes to look down at the digital read out that will tell me how much of a big fat cow I truly am.
I suppose it’s time for another countdown then.
This time, I reel the numbers off in my head as I’m too busy squeezing my whole face tight in order to keep my eyes shut. It’s as though I have to work against my own facial muscles just to get my eyes to open. I have no idea how I’m going to control my neck in attempts at getting my head to face downwards. This is internal insanity. I’ve gone completely bonkers and I’ll need checking into a mental institution soon!
“Right. This is it. Emily Clare Gillam.” I scream at myself. “Open your stupid eyes and look at the scales this instant!”
Well, I certainly can’t disobey my own vehemence in the matter. I overcome whatever’s holding me back. I strike mentally against the fear of fat gain. Whipping open my eyes I crane my neck down and peer at the scales.
What I see on the readout is nothing short of a complete and total anti-climax after all the idiot mental insanity I’ve just put myself through.
I’ve actually lost half a stone in weight.
***
I am a woman renewed. Again. Because I seem to feel exuberance quite often, depending on my mood. Oh well! At least I’m happier now than I was upon first waking this morning. Losing weight during the period will do that to a woman. There’s nothing better than seeing that the pounds have fallen off when stepping on the scales. Okay so it had taken me some critical thinking skills to get myself to initially step on those scales in the first place, but once I’d actually stood on them and having seen my weight loss, I’d definitely stepped on them repeatedly after that!
I’m on my way to Tina’s salon for bridal hair testing now, and I’m headed there with a spring in my step. Lighter steps, because obviously I’m a person who weighs half a stone less than she did the at the last weigh-in. Therefore, my boingy footfalls of happiness truly are lighter in mass and pounding-the-pavementus-impacticus!
Swinging the salon door open wide, I rush indoors. “I’m here, Tina!” I exude confidence. “Make my hair as beautiful as the readout on my scales.”
The receptionist looks at me funny as I swish grandly towards the high countertop. Obviously she doesn’t know what I’m talking about, but it doesn’t matter, Tina will sort out my hair to match my weight loss happiness.
“Have a seat,” the receptionist says. She’s got a small bob haircut that’s dyed a hue of bright red the likes of which I see a lot more often lately. “Would you like a hot drink?”
A hot drink on a warm sunny day? I think not. “I’ll just have some water please.” I plonk myself down onto the sofa in the waiting area. Smoothing down my light chiffon trousers, I sit at the edge of the couch with my shoulders back and down. Normally I tend to sink inwards in attempts at squashing down the honest size of my boobs. Today though, I’m positive they’ve already begun to shrink, so jutting my chest forward isn’t likely to poke anyone’s eyes out from breastal impact when I enter a room.
“Oh, Emily, you’re here.”
Standing, I greet Tina merrily with a big grin as she’s just entered the waiting area.
Bbbzzzzzz. A grinding sound emanates from the back of the salon and I glance past Tina’s shoulder.
Oh for fuck sake. My good mood has just been completely ruined because the salon trolley shaped robot is zooming towards me at high speed.
“Shoo!” Tina turns and waves the thing off. “I told you to stay in the office, you crazy little thing.”