My Big Fat Low-Fat Wedding - By Katya Starkey Page 0,32
had stuck between her lips, fall to the floor. “Someone’s lost weight.” She’s pushing at my waist with her hands while poking at the measuring tape she’s wrapped around my middle. “You, bot!” She suddenly shouts. “Take note of these measurements.”
With a whirl and a few clicks the tub shaped robot lights up and floats nearer to us. My hackles are raised and my body stiffens the closer the bot gets. “Relax, Emily.” Mia says. “Your shoulders are tense and messing up my measurements.”
Difficult as it is to relax my shot nerves with a possibly maniacal robot close by, I manage to relax my shoulders a bit. Mia dictates measurements to her tub bot who bleeps in response each time. If I hadn’t had such incredibly horrific interactions with every robot I’ve met thus far, I’d be tempted to say Mia’s bot is quite cute. When the thing belches a sudden spark through its undercarriage though, I change my mind quickly.
“Is that all the measurements you need?” I back away from Mia just as she wraps her measuring tape around her neck.
“Yep, finished. I’ll take in your clothes by two inches and you can pick them up in a couple of days.”
I’ve already got my hand on the door, but when Mia says this I turn back around. “Two whole inches?” I’m positively ecstatic when she nods in reply. This time when I leave the presence of a new robot, I’m not burdened with fear of the thing because I’m positively brimming with the news that I’ve lost two inches off my curvy personage!
Chapter 8
It’s official. I need to celebrate my weight loss. And what better way to do that than to go shopping?
I pull my car up to the front entrance of the Evans and combination Dorothy Perkins stores. Prancing in on a high of feeling good weight loss emotion, I turn right and start perusing the Evans racks of clothing. Grabbing a size fourteen pair of trousers I head into the changing rooms. I undo my cinched in belt and let my size sixteen jeans fall to the floor. Stepping out of my jeans I put one foot into the new trousers, and the next.
Slowly, ever so slowly, I pull the pants upwards.
Please fit, please fit. I chant like a mantra in my mind.
The trousers go up smoothly. Not only that, but they continue to be easily pulled upwards at the waistband all the way to my boobs.
“What on earth…?” Glancing in the mirror, twisting this way and that for a better view, I can see that the size fourteen trousers are staying up at my waist. However, they’re also tremendously baggy in the crotch area.
Oh. My. God.
Can this be real?
Is this actually happening?
Are these size fourteen trousers not only a size smaller than I usually wear, but they’re also too big?
Quickly, I take them off without undoing the button or front zipper. Digging inside the back I check the tag to make sure I haven’t mistakenly grabbed a size twenty or something.
Nope, these are definitely size fourteens, so I hurriedly put them back on.
I’m standing here staring at my reflection in the mirror. I’m pulling at the baggy crotch of these trousers between my legs. They are honestly too big.
“They’re too big!” I squeak out loud excitedly and my hand flies to my mouth. Nearly silently, I say it again. “Size fourteen are too big!” Tears of joy burst from my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I’ve got a huge stupid grin on my face and I’m biting my knuckles trying not to cry out with joy.
Okay. Get a hold of yourself, woman!
Fanning my face with my hands I’m finally able to control my emotions. I mean, this is all fine and dandy, but what if it’s just this particular brand of trousers? For all I know maybe they’re the only pair of pants in the shop that have an extra-large crotch area.
Pingaling!
I press the bell inside my changing cubicle that calls in a store attendant.
“Could you get me a few more trouser styles in a size fourteen.” I ask the clerk when she arrives.
“Any styles or colours in particular?”
“Nope,” I shake my head and grin widely at her. “Any style will do.”
I’m practically hopping up and down in anxiousness while I wait for the store attendant to bring me more trousers. When she does finally arrive I almost rip the pairs of pants from her hand and shut the curtain closed with a flourish. “Thanks!”